


Finding My Way Back To You

by SaySomethingWitty91



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Mpreg, Secret Children, Teen Pregnancy, bottom!Jensen, mpreg!Jensen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26760247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaySomethingWitty91/pseuds/SaySomethingWitty91
Summary: Jared and Jensen grew up attached at the hip, they have a friendship that neither quite understand until it all changes.Graduation night changes Jensen’s whole world and freshly graduated with hopes of becoming an artist in Paris he finds himself in a difficult predicament he couldn’t never imagined himself being.Every decision has its consequences and it quickly appears that both Jared and Jensen will make many mistakes before finally finding happiness.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles & Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 23
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been at least 4 years in the making so it has been edited and added to countless of times over the years. Because of this it might be noticeable how my writing styles went through several changes as time went on before I finally finished writing this. I also want apologise in advance for any mistakes or discrepancies you undoubtedly will come across. 
> 
> This story started purely as a desire I had to have a mpreg story play out as I wanted it too in my head, not as an actual attempt to write a fanfic that would one day be shared with other eyes! 
> 
> After spending so many years as a unnamed SPN RPF fic in my documents folder across two laptops and 3 phone upgrades, and with the show coming to an end next month, I decided to finally part with this story even if it’s a long way from being ‘quite right’. I could easily spend another 2 years editing this story at my leisure pace, in vain hoping it to be ‘perfect’ one day (and I very well might still do this and republish a better version one day) but I figured we all deserve some extra Jared and Jensen right about now!
> 
> If there are any beta’s who would like to help check over this story please let me know!! 
> 
> Without further ado....

**Chapter 1**

  
Jensen nervously gnawed at the nail of his thumb as he dubiously stared at the four peeing sticks he’d placed on the edge of the sink roughly three minutes ago. The picking of the nails was a nasty habit he’d picked up when he finally managed to kick his previous nervous tick of biting his bottom lip which drove his best friend Jared crazy. Not that he was better off abusing his poor digits. The thought of his best friend made his heart speed up and the nauseas feeling he’d been vehemently pinning to the flu, return. He rechecked one of the two different boxes the tests had come in, and once again read the instructions which were by all means quite simple and straightforward, even as he once again confirmed that yes, it was five minutes that he needed to wait before the results showed up. Results that could change his whole life. He felt his heart race and the throbbing of a upcoming headache so quickly tried to block everything out focusing only on the fact that he wasn’t sure of anything yet. No need to panic _yet_ , he berated himself.

Besides, what were the chances of his onetime slip, and tumble into bed with his closest friend of all people, knocking him up on the his first go on the Mary-go-round? Sure, Jared had a tendency of being good at everything—God was he good at everything—but it was one time, the first and only time for Jensen, surely the universe could cut him some slack. They had been extremely drunk and extremely stupid, and it didn’t help that Jensen had always been head over fucking heels for the goofy giant. It was never supposed to happen though, because Jared was supposedly straighter then an arrow and also very committed to his longtime girlfriend, Sandy. How it did happen and how they may have fucked up royally still boggles his mind. Quite literally.

For Jensen it had been everything he had ever wanted his first time to be, everything he’d dreamt of since he was thirteen and popped his first boner watching his best friend discard his shirt and shorts and belly flop in just his boxers into the pool of the Padalecki’s backyard—which was fucking uncomfortable and embarrassing not to mention confusing—but nonetheless what finally happened that night had meant everything to him. It had been only one night, but the best one of his life. Though for Jared it had been the biggest mistake of his life, something that could ruin everything his best friend’s future and what he had always wanted, and wasn’t that just a freaking cliché. Two best friends who grow up together, one gay and hopelessly in love with the other, as said other friend yearns for the typical apple pie life, a wife, 2.3 kids, a dog and a white picket fence, after of course he retired of his longtime dream of stardom. And now here Jensen stood potentially knocked up with the aspiring actor’s spawn.

What had gone down that night of their high school graduation wasn’t in the picture for them, at least not the one they had spent half their lives painting. It was something Jensen had long ago accepted he would never have. Which had been the whole reason why he’d been adamant on making sure he could ditch their home town as soon as his age and talents allowed him to. It was also the driving force as to why he ended up choosing a college as far away from his best friend and his soon to be fiancée (if everything worked out as Jared had planned) as possible. The guy he pretty much had shared every highlight of his life so far with, would start film school in California and become the big movie star he always wanted to be along with his pretty little girlf—fiancée—who shared the same aspirations and the same dream, and Jensen would spend the next half year at a prestigious art school in Paris, and then finish his portfolio by touring Europe before returning back to the States for the rest of his degree Majoring in Art with a Minor in education. He was sure that seeing a world beyond Jared and having lots of gay sex with hot European guys would cure him of his unhealthy state of unrequited love. A bun in the oven that would forever tie him to his friend would definitely not be the solution his problems, for obvious reasons. 

Which was why this was not happening, Jensen concluded.

He made sure he was standing as far as he could from the sink, in his tiny but private bathroom, so that he couldn’t actually see the little square boxes on the pregnancy test where any minute now the answer to whether he was jumping of bridges or not, would appear. Just as his watch started beeping he heard his mother call for him downstairs, and Jensen was sure his heart skipped a couple of beats as he practically jumped out of his skin. “BE RIGHT THERE!” He hollered as he stood dead still with his back against the light blue tiled wall, glaring at the four white objects which were waiting aimlessly to be read. He was uselessly trying his Jedi mind trick willing the test results to be in his favor, knowing that there was no way of actually changing what was clearly already decided. Sighing dejectedly, he decided to just get it over with and walked the three steps towards the white basin with the dripping faucet and looked down at all the four answer.

Sure enough proof of what he had already suspected. All fucking four positive.

Jensen was royally fucked.

—


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever came after the oh shit moment ...

**Chapter 2**

The first few days that followed ‘Truth Day’, aka ‘Pregnancy Test Debacle’, aka ‘The Day Jensen Ackles Found Out He Was Screwed’, Jensen tried to avoid his best friend to the best of his abilities, which was easier said than done. It didn’t help that the guy took up major space with how giant he was, Jared had a uncanny ability to be _everywhere_. Jensen however premeditated every move knowing his friend well enough to at least avoid confrontation for as long as Jensen needed to get his shit together and come up with a plan. Jensen was the kind of person that needed solitude when he had something on his mind and Jared had ‘personal space issues’, as in there existed no such thing according to him, which was why it was vital for Jensen that he not be found by his friend. He had important life altering shit to figure out and Jared crawling all over him in a pseudo friendly way, was the last thing he needed.

It was simple really when you looked at the facts.

Jensen had drunk and unprotected sex, with his straight already committed best friend, and now he was having said friend’s baby.

The hard part came with figuring out what to do about it, which was why he craved solitude. His first destination for recluse was in the storage room at the local coffee shop he’d been working at for the past three years. It was his thinking zone right between the powdered cocoa packages and the sacks of actual imported coffee beans. It was the grail where he had gone to cool down after he lashed out at Jared once in their freshman year, going as far as preaching the 5th commandment about respecting women because Jared had gone to second base with a girl and had been gushing to ‘hopelessly in love’ Jensen about it. When they first doused with alcohol that same freshman year and Jared had won an awesome game of beer pong then proceeded to plant a sloppy kiss on Jensen’s lips in all the excitement, the very next day he’d been there under the packages of artificial sweeteners, to not only nurse his hangover and hide from his older brother/boss but to repeatedly run the scene of his first kiss over and over in his head, without looking loopy or creepy. The memory would end right when Jared was making his usual attempt at belching out to the chorus of ‘We are the Champions’, a party trick he’d worked all summer on. Jensen had stopped speaking to Jared for nearly 3 and a half days, after that fated incident but even in his anger of having his first kiss stolen so cavalierly by his drunk friend, he would still reminisce about the kiss and pinch himself each time before thinking about the momentous even over and over again. He’d made a promise to himself never to relay to this best friend that he’d been secretly happy Jared had gotten his first kiss, and not a random crush he’d vaguely remember 20 years down the line.

It was fair to say that this was his Sacred grail of teenage angst and frustration. Yet as he sat there inhaling the scent of coffee he could no longer drink, a sudden volt of nausea hit him and he ran as fast as he could to the employee’s bathroom down the hall thankfully still away from customer’s view, and lost what little lunch he’d managed to force down since his morning crackers. On his knee’s spewing disgusting bile, he decided that as soon as he found enough strength he’d have to figure out what had set his nausea off this time. He’d been just fine with the scent of coffee so far, which he considered a blessing since he did not want to have been scouting for new employment, with everything else he had going on, so it had to be something else. He heaved once more and decided that perhaps it wasn’t the best of times to find out what had instigated his vomit.

Jensen reluctantly voted the Coffee Place off limits for the time being, except during his normal working hours. This left him without a storage room or a Holy Teenage Angst Grail or a place to hide from Jared for the time being. That train of thought led him to where he found himself next. He visited the church. He wasn’t exactly extremely religious, even though they’d all been originally from Texas and his family still identified themselves as Christians. Jensen had just never been a morning person and after years of being awakened at the freaking crack of dawn (seven a clock in the morning, on a Sunday, like who did that?) and being forced to wear his best suit to strut his groggily cranky self to church, he had almost gotten down on his knees and kissed his mother’s feet when she had allowed him to make his own decisions about attending mass. Least to say from that moment on Jensen enjoyed his Sunday morning’s in buried in his bed sheets of sin, extremely. He was just slipping into one of the pews when one of the young pastors walked up to him.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the missing Ackles link, fancy finding you here. Awake and willing at least.” The pastor said smiling slightly. Jensen gave him the same grumbled and un-amused glare he’d given the pastor every Sunday mass he had to endure as a child, well the ones he could remember in his coma-like state.

“Hello to you too Father Michaels.” He said as politely as possible, despite being obviously irritated.

The pastor was undeterred by Jensen’s behavior and continued cheerfully, “Can I be of any assistance?”

“I need to confess, where’s your confession box?” Jensen asked looking around the building and finding none. Michaels mockingly glared back.

“I had a feeling you never paid any attention in Sunday school,” Father Michaels answered to which Jensen just blinked, “Wrong church and religion.” He clarified.

Realization finally dawned on Jensen and he let out a deep sigh. “Crap, what am I supposed to do now?” he said more to himself, though Michaels seemed to take it as if it were to him as he answered.

“Well, I am here to advice and guide people in the name of our Lord, so you could talk to me if there is anything bothering you, or you could of course pray.” Father Michaels inclined his head to the pews in emphases of the second option, which Jensen eyed morosely. He had a feeling he’d have to actually confront God sooner or later, after how badly he’d messed up. Besides he'd discovered that inactivity only worsened his nausea, ironically. Jensen supposed it was better than his mother finding out.

“Kinda, was hoping to just get into one of those cluster phobic huts to let it all out and then get out of here..." he tried as a last ditch attempt before sighing at the pastors unmoved expression. He guessed there was really no way around it, so he sat down and began bluntly with, "I'm pregnant."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe this ...

Chapter 3 

Jared was feeling fidgety as he and Sandy sat sprawled across her living room watching a film during their usual date night. It wasn’t unusual for him to feel jittery and it mostly happened only when he had a lot on his mind. Often when he felt this way he had Jensen around to transfer off some of his restlessness, but unfortunately the other boy wasn’t around. They had finally reached the middle of summer and the air felt pungent with the prospect of college just around the corner and the usual nostalgic atmosphere of stretching out the days so that summer appeared longe, was laced with an extra layer of desperation for summer not to end. Although the desperation felt akin to the summer before their senior year, where they pushed boundaries knowing it would be the last summer they’d spend with High School still in their prospects, this summer felt the extra stringent need to make sure they held on to their most youthful moments as long as they could.

Jared and his tribe of friends, which included Jensen and Sandy, spend most of the first part of summer holidays, packing in as many outings as they could before they would all separate and go their own way to their chosen college. Although he and Sandy were both accepted at a university in California they were going to be at opposite ends of the state which meant that that they would have to plan their weeks accordingly to ensure they still spent plenty of time together. He knew that the prospect of moving had his girlfriend a bit nervous, especially given the expectation of what freshman year in college meant for most college students, at least if Josh and Jeff’s stories were taken at face value and were anything to go by, but they’d had lengthy conversations about this where Jared did his best to reassure his girlfriend. When Jensen’s older brother, Josh and Jared’s older brother Jeff, returned from their first semester of college, they had both relegated the most unbelievably epic stories of college parties and crazy hookups that made high school parties seem like child’s play, so Jared in turn paid for these stories by having to draw up a year planner with his girlfriend to ensure their ‘date nights were protected’.

Jared had always enjoyed a good party and he was happy to have met a partner in crime in Sandy as they both enjoyed most of the same things. Both of them had been popular at school and they both were well known to attend and throw the best parties, and they both had similar career choices. It was one of the main driving forces of why he’d been contemplating making the big move to formalise their-relationship. He knew some might consider proposing just after high school stupid, but Jared figured, that If he was sure that he had met the love of his life in high school, then why waste time just because of the concern of what others might think? Although he was a social and extroverted person, Jared was a minimalist in terms of what he wanted in life and for his future. He loved going to parties because it allowed him to spend time with his friends in enjoyment, and not necessarily for the drinking or the hookups (though both made the night undeniably more enjoyable) but for the genuine pleasure he felt at spending time with loved ones. In this same way he also loved acting and he knew a lot of people went into the industry for the fame and acclaim, but Jared just loved the craft for what it was. This was in par with Sandy’s hopes for her future. Although she appeared more driven by the motivation to succeed and be the best they can be, Jared was sure that his girlfriends ultimate desire was to live in a harmonious household that was secure in all the ways it mattered. He was content and looking forward to spending his future with his wife, a handful of kids and his best friend Jensen. If he only ever did indie films and ended up teaching on the side to top up their income, then he’d still be content. Jared felt like he was all about being surrounded by loved ones. So yes, proposing right out of high school wasn’t ideal for some but Jared would be happy with his choice.

It wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary for the step towards marriage to cause some trepidation that may need some addressing, like all major decisions in life did, but Jared knew this wasn’t why he had been feeling a nervous energy as of late. The prospect of marriage as grand as it was, only reaffirmed him that he wouldn’t have to worry about Sandy finding someone she liked or loved more then she loved him, once she was at college. His trepidation lied more with the fact that his best friend had chosen to spend an entire 6 months in Paris and if that wasn’t anxiety inducing enough, Jensen had chosen a university across the country, a university in New York of all places to continue the rest of his college years, once he was back from the ‘city of love’. He’d slowly been coming to terms with this Paris trip and not seeing his friends for a whole 6 months, which he couldn’t yet wrap his head around, despite accepting the fact. But then Jensen went and added insult to injury by accepting a place at a university where they couldn’t just drive down to meet one another or even meet at their home base when the obligatory trips see see their family members, became a necessary routine. Jensen was to be on the other side of the country where Jared couldn’t reach him easily in case of an emergency and where they’d only be able to ‘grab a beer’ virtually.

As time and with it the summer passed, the reality of what this meant became more and more of a bitter pill to swallow. He became more certain with each passing day, that things were changing between him and Jensen already. He felt a shift in the air that wasn’t just impelled by impending adulthood, but with something akin to a change neither of them were prepared for after living out each other’s pocket for so long. This was the main reason why he was fidgety. He knew life meant changes anyway and that they would both eventually grow to have their own families, although how this would happen was a vague prospect for him, he believed that this was how things were meant to be. He was mostly happy that things were heading in a good direction for him and he was looking forward to the prospect of marrying Sandy, even whilst knowing they were going to be on the opposite ends of the state. But the thought of Jensen being in Paris for 6 months before he went of to New York, made him feel restless and lately even nauseous. Maybe it was because unlike Sandy, Jensen was going further away, or maybe it had to do with the fact that Sandy was secure in his future as long as she agreed to marry him, whereas his friendship with Jensen wasn’t bound by that same type of security. They only had each others reassuring words to go by and lately he felt like something was wrong with even that. He’d been spending most of his free time wondering and even stressing about why Jensen was going all the way to Paris (there were fancy art school in America and why did it have to be 6 months, 2 weeks was plenty of time to experience France, and the french weren’t all that great anyway, so what if Jared loved croissants because that was beside the point, he’d give it all up for Jensen not to go away for so long) and why felt like such a bad idea to him.

The summer had been passing in a stranger then usual fashion, where he saw more of Sandy then he did of Jensen and maybe this was part of the problem. The last two summers, he’d spent most of his nights with Jensen and only about one night a week where it was just him and Sandy. It was a bit of an unequal spread of his time but it had worked well for everyone involved. Sandy had worked interning at a talent agency the previous year so that meant that she was mostly busy on weekdays but weekends were usually relegated between time spent with him or a combination of him and their other friends. Jensen on the other hand had spent his fourth summer working at The Coffee Bean, Jensen’s family café, which occupied him 4 weekdays where he worked morning until just after midday (for the morning and lunch rush) and the occasional Saturday (coincidentally this was usually a Jared’s day with Sandy anyway). The last few summers it had become the routine for Jared to to sleep in for most mornings or until he was as close to noon as he could get away with, before his mother would berate him to ‘get up, instead of wasting the summer away’. Once he rejoined the land of the living and forced himself out of bed he always went on to go linger at the café, where he set up shop, in one of the comfier booths to tutor middle school kids. Jared had built a healthy clientele of 4 kids he saw regularly most summers, and he was happy to spent his time at a location where he could both earn some cash as well as, not want to gouge his own eye out in boredom for essentially spending the summer time surrounded by school materials. He had the happy perk of being his own boss and flexible with his hours, whilst also being in close proximity to his friend in case he needed to revitalize himself in order to avoid turning prematurely gray due to basic math revisions.

This was a balance that had worked, so he was left confused as to why Jensen felt the need to switch things up by scoring a job at the library where he spend his evenings sorting books out of hours, instead of serving coffee in the mornings and afternoon. Jensen’s new work hours meant that he was working most evenings and only working the morning coffee rush instead of sticking around till just after noon when the rush died down. This left Jared bored while tutoring the rebellious 8-10 year olds, that would’ve much preferred kicking a ball around in the park or bunkering down on their game consoles then being threatened and forced into extra summer learning as punishment for slacking during term time. To add insult to injury he was still a regular at the coffee shop where he now couldn’t seek out his friend to mime different versions of “kill me now” as pantomime and comedic relief.

If Jared’s sudden sentence in purgatory wasn’t bad enough, Sandy had decided to cut her hours at the talent agency in order to sort out their move to college. Jared had been dragged to too many trips to IKEA for the only lifetime he would be awarded and if he had to walk into one more Target in search of matching household items, he was almost certain his private parts would poof into non-existence.

Unlike Sandy, Jensen had always been more unique and always kind of beat to the music of his own drum, and that had been this way since they were little. Jensen had always been the more creative one between them two but also the more conscientious and introverted amongst their social circle. Where Sandy was always up for meeting friends at a party, Jensen preferred evenings spent as laid back as possible, where they could either watch trashy and cheesy 80s films, or binge on shows they had avoided during the school year for the sole purpose of watching as much TV as possible during the summer. Jensen hardly sought the approval of anyone other then Jared and he never appeared ashamed about being himself and ensuring he spent his time wherever he wanted and usually where he felt most comfortable. This was usually the studio his parents had built for him in the garden. Jared made sure to drag him away from an easel, camera or other creative tools whenever he could but Jensen was stubborn to a fault and would usually only break this streak of stubbornness if he felt Jared needed him too. Outside of this exception, Jared usually floated on whatever wave Jensen was on as he’d learned this was usually more in line what he himself secretly also desired, as long as they were together.

Lately though, Jensen was more often then not, absent from Jared’s daily routine. This left an unmistakable void in his days and frayed his existing nerves further. He wasn’t used to not seeing his friend for days on end and he was definitely not used to his friend not picking up his call for the third time that week. Fair enough they had conflicting schedules but how could the boy who lived just a couple blocks from him, be so adept at avoiding him?! After the fourth day, of not seeing Jensen, peeked around the corner, Jared became more and more sure that he was being evaded. 

He’d been scrambling to try and think about a reason why this was happening, as the last argument he had with his friend had been freshman year when he and Jensen had gotten drunk the first time. He remembers the 3 days of radio silence acutely and he remembers the genuine remorse he felt at how he had carelessly taken Jensen’s first kiss in a drunken moment of hilarity. He had shown up at Jensen’s door every morning and stayed on his porch the first half of day 4 before Jensen finally spoke to him. He’d never been on the end of _Jensen’s_ silence and after how horrible he felt not speaking or even seeing his friend for that long, he had made the realisation of how truly important Jensen was in life and how much weight the words ‘best friend’ carried in his life. From that day on even when they had minor disputes, Jared would only ever stop speaking to Jensen for a maximum of 72 hours, and that still meant that they would remain in each other’s company even if he never delegated a word to the man. 

To avoid further disputes or condemnation, Jared never felt like it was right time to tell Jensen, that it had been his first real kiss as well, and that it had slightly more intention then the ‘spur of the moment’ act he laid it out to be. Jensen till this day still believed Jared had his first kiss in 5th grade with Lisa Myers, when in reality their kiss had been planted more on Jareds cheek then his actual lips. Once he hooked up with Alexis and then Sandy, it long seized to matter anymore, and he was sure the whole ordeal was best forgotten.

That was of course before he found himself in the position he was now in. Jensen was out practicing to be Houdini, whilst Jared was slowly convincing himself he wasn’t diving himself into madness with the changes coming his way at lightening speed. He needed to pin down his friend so he could figure out what was going on with the disappearing act and so that they could try and talk about the nervousness he’d been experiencing lately whenever he thought of proposing to Sandy or worse yet when he thought about Jensen’s moving away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter I’ve learned to let go ... also silly boys ...

**Chapter 4**

Jensen cursed under his breath when he suddenly found himself in a headlock just as he’d been turning the corner to his house. His earlier conversation with Pastor Michaels was still fresh and his mind and he’d been distracted with all the man had left him thinking about. He didn’t even bother to fight back, he’d already caught a whiff of his assailer with his heightened senses and knew he wasn’t in real danger. Supposing you could define the word ’danger’ by Jared’s standards.

“I finally got you, you weasel.” His best friend grumbled.

He pulled Jensen along to a secluded path that was mostly covered with trees and led to most of the backyards of their neighbors.

“Fuck Jared, let me go.” Jensen demanded, pushing his friend, an attempt that of course failed miserably and did nothing to deter Jared.

“No! You would probably dig a hole to China to avoid me.” Jared just answered his tone annoyed and exasperated. When they were far enough from the sidewalk view, he was finally released of the particularly tight choking hold and was instead pushed against a tree firmly as his best friend placed himself in front of him. “Talk” the taller man demanded.

Jensen pretended to have a coughing fit from having had his air restricted by his brass friend and deliberately tried not to meet Jared’s eyes, as he silently tried not to panic. He knew it was just a matter of time before he would cave in and say something to appease Jared but he needed a moment to recollect himself to ensure that as soon as he did, he wouldn’t say something damaging to their friendship or his current predicament. “Don’t even.” Jare said not at all fooled by Jensen’s attempt to maneuver his way out of the impending conversation.

“Jay, I need to go to work sooner or later.”

His best friend didn't show signs of yielding and instead crossed his arms in defiance. Jensen averted Jared's gaze and nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"Look I haven't been avoiding you,"

Jared began protesting at the blatant lie, but Jensen quickly interrupted him,

"Not exactly, I've just had a lot on my mind with Paris and stuff" Only half lying this time. He had been busy with his plans for the end of summer which was fast approaching. The other _stuf_ _f,_ like the way is stomach was no longer completely as flat as he once took pride in it being, and the dealing with fits of nausea and dizziness and being tired more often than not, he specifically _did not_ mention.

When he went to see the pastor at what he now referred to as a ‘moment of insanity’, he'd been advised(blackmailed and forced) to look at the depth of his problems. Quit dwelling in the drama deserving of its own tv show, that had become his life, and face some facts and other life factors he hadn't entirely taken into account before. It was all of course after some well deserving lectures that fell on his somewhat deaf ears, but it made him remember details he hadn't even thought of considering before. Like what it meant to be a guy and pregnant.

Male pregnancy weren’t all that common as he believed them to be when he first found out he was a carrier at 13. While a new baby is born approximately every four seconds in the world only 1 out of roughly 1000 were from male carriers. At a scale of the seven billion people on the planet it was still a considerably large amount, yet not enough to make it an actual commonality if you added the risk factors and the success rate of male pregnancy which slightly lowered the scale. So much so that it wasn’t entire unknown, although highly controversial, for a mother to ask for the removal of the womb in their male infant, if the child was a carrier just as she would for a circumcision. For a long time it had been frowned upon especially for religious reasons, for a man to become pregnant. This was mostly due to the fact that in the past, same sex relationship didn’t occur often enough for the odd male pregnancy, to be properly studied. So as it was a rarity, to see pregnant male, people automatically assumed it had to be alien like or devilish. However with time just as with almost everything, it had become more and more accepted as the gay community began establishing itself and scientist got the chance to thoroughly research the anomaly that allowed men to bear children even if they’d clearly hadn’t been built entirely to do so.

Though there were still some unclear answers as to how exactly male carriers came to be, and whether they were actually specified as males, even with the extra attributes, it wasn’t as shocking and/or repulsive as it once had been to encounter a pregnant man.

Of course though, not all male carriers were gay, a fact that really throws a whole loop in the whole modern family dynamic, so some still did a double take when they came face to face with a actual pregnant man, especially ones that reached full term. Jensen of course didn’t know all this. And it did nothing whatsoever, to put him at ease under the scrutiny of the pregnant women at the free clinic he took two trains, three busses and a cab, to attend. The fact that he had to go to a complete different city just to get a checkup wasn’t bothering him as much as it had the first two times he had gone after admitting that perhaps it was necessary, to check up on the living creature growing inside him.

Really, the first time he had gone, it was to confirm just for formality sake, that he was indeed pregnant as the pastors kindly advised, and he’d been too terrified to go anywhere he could be recognized. Jensen had been literally ready to burst with anxiety as they checked him, and he hadn’t really paid much mind to anything but how much the whole ordeal totally sucked. The second time, two weeks ago, he had gone back to the clinic again, but he’d been too sick and exhausted to really be aware of anything when he had arrived. He’d been extremely worried that his morning—really all day long—sickness was seriously deterring his health and had come back to get anything that could treat at least some of the nausea, as all his frequent trips to retch his guts out, was raising suspicions in those around him. His mother and Jared, during the odd occasion he couldn’t evade them, had been threatening to hospitalize him if his, ‘stomach bug/flu’, didn’t subside. He’d gotten some natural medication for the nausea and simply taught himself to discreetly remove himself from the room if he felt the need to vomit. He had now mastered the art of the graceful retreat to his marble toilet bowl where he would silently empty his barely filled stomach and quickly brush his teeth and compose himself as best he could. He constantly reminded himself that he had to just wait off the last two weeks before he’d leave for Europe, and this had been the reason behind why he’d decided to go back to the clinic a third time just to make sure everything was in order, since he wasn’t sure how he was going to manage the next four months in Paris.

It wasn’t really that Jensen meant to be selfish or pessimistic really but his decision to go through with Paris despite being ‘with child’, had initially more to do with the fact that more than thirty-five percent of male pregnancy tended not to make it through the first trimester. And though deep down, somewhere in his mind and heart where he wasn’t allowed to linger too long, he wanted this baby more than anything, he just couldn’t handle throwing everything he had worked so hard for, away for something that might not even happen. Jensen, was incapable of ‘taking care’ of a pregnancy at his own volition as he knew his best friend would've been dead against it but he had no control over what happened naturally and he had to be realistic. The fact that he was two days shy from twelve weeks surprised him, which meant that the chance that he’d still be pregnant in Paris was becoming more and more likely. To ad further insult to injury( it was an established fact that although the first trimester might’ve been the rockiest for males, even more so then females, it was all rewarded in the second trimester where male carriers doubled in strength and health and became highly _unlikely_ to miscarry.

Jensen couldn’t quite decide whether to be happy or worried about this fact, and Jared looking guilty at him certainly wasn't improving his already confused state. It was his rotten luck that Jared had decided on this little confrontation on the day Jensen had since their child on a sonogram, a picture of perfect health, the babies first ever photo burned a hole of treachery in his front pocket. It was no small exaggeration that Jensen cursed the fact that he had decided to carry this secret on his own. He knew what it would mean if anyone found out about this situation before he boarded a plane to a different continent. Which made his best friends timing even more impeccable.

"That's the problem though Jen, you're leaving soon and we won't even see each other all that much,"

Jensen couldn't help but think of that as somewhat of a blessing in a shitty disguise.

"Which is why you should hangout more often with me and Sandy before you jet off to the other side of the world."

Jensen eyes widened slightly in alarm at the suggestion of spending anytime with Sandy. He'd been able to get along with Sandy more than he had any of Jared’s other past love interests, especially when Jared was dating Alexis Bledel who turned out to be all kinds of crazy. Jensen amicable but tentative friendship with Jared’s longest running relationship said something about what a quality of a girl Sandy was in comparison. She managed to surpass Jensen's especially biased predicament without any suspicions of his fonder feelings for Jared and not only befriended him but also accommodated their co-dependent friendship.

It went without saying that after taking all of that into consideration, Jensen was barely able to look her in the eye nowadays considering the state he was in. He was particularly struggling with keeping up the charade the further his pregnancy progressed and the more time that went by with his friend acknowledging nothing about their graduation tryst. Jensen didn’t doubt that his best friend was a good overall kind of guy, but Jared almost seemed to have wiped their night completely from his mind, like it had never happened. It made Jensen doubt whether he even remembered anything.

But then there were moments when they got really close physically and it appeared it would be just like it had always been between them, comfortable and familiar, and then out of nowhere something would snap in his friend and he would put a sudden space between their proximity. It was something that never used to happen and Jenson couldn’t help but sense this new awkwardness between them. It hurt the first two times it had happened but Jensen quickly learned to avoid all those moments by evading the physical proximity of his friend completely. This did not stop those moments from happening but they had definitely reduced.

But nothing ever changed between Jared and Sandy, and whenever Jensen had seen them this summer they'd been going as strong as ever, which was partially why he made their encounters scarce. Seeing them so happy after everything that had happened, made him literally feel sick to his stomach.

He tried to swallow the words he really wanted to spit out and ignored the way his chest tightened. When that had not helped much and his friend still stared at him waiting for an answer, he spoke as calmly as he could.

"I would rather kinda not want to be a third wheel." he said uncomfortably. The moment the words left his lips he knew they weren't the right ones, and Jared's eyes which had widened considerably only confirmed it.

"What the fuck Jensen, you've chilled with us before without any problems. What is wrong with you?" though Jared's tone wasn't as harsh as his words, it had an edge to it that made Jensen wince.

Suddenly all the anger, hurt and confusion of the last few weeks reached a boiling point and began spilling out of him in the most unexpected and embarrassing manner. Tears sprung in his eyes and before he knew it his cheeks were damp with the offensive proof of the sudden ridiculous display of emotion.

Jared looked shocked at first, probably not nearly as shocked as he himself was but after a sniff escaped his uncollected composure, the other teen became alarmed.

"Jen...?" he asked softly reaching for his friend who was wiping away the tears furiously as he stared at everything but Jared. "Jen, what's wrong? I'm sorry I was so brusque or if I said or did anything."

When Jared's words did nothing to even recede the tears shamefully running down his face, he panicked even more as his chest tightened. Jensen felt his best friend cupping his face and trying in vain to wipe away some of the wetness. However the tenderness with which Jared dealt with him and the way the hazel brown eyes bore into him as it scrutinized every feature currently displaying distress, only worsened whatever ungodly fit Jensen was having and with a choked sob he crumpled even further.

Unable to think of anything Jared wrapped his arms around his suddenly vulnerable best friend and allowed said friend to bury his face into the crook of his neck so he could continue to sob.

"Oh Jen... Ssshh... You're gonna make me cry too, you know I hate seeing you like this." he said softly as he rubbed Jensen back softly.

Eventually the tears finally stopped, by that time though they were both sitting on the soft grass, Jared leaning against a tree with one arm wrapped around Jensen. Jensen's face was still leaning on Jared's shoulder and frankly if it weren't for his blatant embarrassment at what had just occurred he might've been enjoying having Jared so close, something that had become so rare in the short space of time. Especially compared to almost a lifetime of hugs, the occasional tackle and just generally having Jared attached to him like a limb. To be fair he wasn't sure what exactly was wrong with him, other than being pregnant. That couldn't be possibly be it though, could it? Was it possible that the pregnancy took reign of his personality and emotions and turned him into a big weeping girl? God he hoped so because he preferred that to the alternative, that his feelings for Jared were driving him literally over the edge.

He did his best to clear his mind of those thoughts, shelving them away with the rest of the list of things he'd have to look into when he wasn't so overridden by Jared's proximity and familiar earthy scent. Before he could fixate on anymore things about Jared that drove him a little more crazy each day, he began extracting himself out of the arms that did not belong to him, no matter how much he wished they did. Jared's eyes were immediately on him, examining him over with a worried expression. Jensen’s face flushed with embarrassment at the scrutiny and he tried not to meet his best friends intense gaze. He couldn't help but notice that just as his feelings intensified when Jared was in close proximity the pain in his chest worsened as well.

"You okay?" The familiar deep voice asked him.

"Yeah." Jensen answered and winced at how his voice sounded, suddenly raspy and overused. Consciously aware of their closeness, he moved further away from his friend. He didn't notice Jared's frown as he was too occupied preparing himself for the inevitable questioning that would come sooner or later. Just as he predicted not even after a few seconds of composing himself, Jared spoke.

"Jen..." he began. "I don't want to put you on the spot, but what's gotten into you?" the question hung between them, Jensen was slightly unsure on how to answer. Maybe hormones, maybe the sadistic results of loving you? Both answers held secrets Jensen was unwilling to divulge to Jared, due to the inevitability that they could cause irrepremendable damage that could possibly ruin Jared’s relationship and in on way or another, also their friendship.

"I'm sorry if I... Said or did anything..." Jared continued releasing the puppy dog eyes full force and making Jensen's gut twist unpleasantly. It was moments like this that Jensen wondered how Jared managed to block out their night together so fiercely out of his memories. The way Jared would gaze at him so intensely sometimes always jolted Jensen’s recollection to that night. The child he was carrying was proof that it _had_ happened and it assured Jensen he wasn't going crazy... but to Jared there didn’t appear to be the same response of remembrance . It was like another stab in his already severely punctured heart that Jared had drawn a blank slate over a night that Jensen would forever hold most dear. He ignored the hollowness in chest though and prepared himself to lie, as he was unable to accept Jared being upset about anything related to him. Jensen supposed that in respect to that at least, their friendship had not yet changed.

"Of course you didn't. It's just the stress of leaving getting to me. Just kind of feel like I should be getting used to handling things for myself, and you should get used to me not being around I guess." no matter how painful his words were Jensen didn't think he could speak more honestly without revealing things that should be kept in the dark. Either way he'd accepted the truth in his words more than ever at that moment. This would have to be their new reality.

Jared looked at his feet sadly. "This is crazy man, I mean you'll still come around all the time, nothing has to change."

Jensen couldn't help but scoff blankly at that. If there were yet ever a greater lie that needed to be awarded golden stars, in their friendship, it would've been Jensen’s resounding 'Sure' as a response to Jared’s assessment.

The past few weeks he’d had both Paris and the baby starring frequently in his dreams. He’d been in a constant state of conflicting indecisiveness about what it was that he should do. But what had sealed the deal on his decision to leave, without speaking to Jared and inform him of their predicament, was what had been at the very core of his problem to begin with and he felt stupid for not realizing it straight away. Both Sandy and their baby were the reasons he had to leave without saying a word. Neither had fault in this. All this was Jared and Jensen’s mistake. So, the best thing Jensen could think he could do was step away, to protect them both.

With this thought and realization Jensen had begun making his mental preparations to separate himself from Jared’s life but it was going to be hard. He had been part of Jared’s life for so long that Jensen himself knew, the void he felt in his heart whenever he cancelled on Jared or begged off early for the purpose of creating distance, was a void that Jared probably felt as well. Jensen may have had deeper feelings which made things harder when he purposely went a full day without even seeing Jared’s face but he by no means underestimated that his best friend wouldn’t feel the painful pull of their friendship as well, whenever it was threatened by the distance Jensen was trying to create.

Jensen knew he could no longer stop the course of his journey and the every so slight curve to his stomach reminded him of this fact every day he curiously looked himself in the mirror. He had a baby growing that would cause and wreak havoc to everything in their lives, if Jensen did not put in place what he had to, in order to protect them. So, he tried to put specific steps into place to do exactly that but Jared caught him off-guard and in a vulnerable state when everything he had been trying not to think about, had once again been too close to the surface of his mind. Jared’s accusation and questions made everything rise to the surface before Jensen could get himself and his hormones in control.

He was able to snap back to reality after his little pity fest and pulled himself together as they both got off the floor. After awkwardly brushing themselves off they headed off to Jareds place, with his friend talking a mile a minute about everything and nothing whilst Jensen had wrapped himself in his thoughts of his ‘plan’ and the distance he was meant to be keeping. He knew now that Jared had caught him out, it was going to harder moving forward, to come up with excuses to stay in his own bubble of keeping a safe distance.

Inevitably Jensen had ended up spending an entire day with both Sandy and Jared that day and the next. The small petite brunette was the tender personality, that somehow fit between the two friends, without causing too much of an imbalance. Seeing the sparkle evident in her eyes during every interaction she had with Jared and realising he recognised that unmistakable look of unadulterated fondness whenever Jared did something silly, in himself, was something he had to come to terms with. For Sandy, the look was always returned full force by its recipient in a way Jensen’s gaze was never returned. He watched with as little envy as he could as Jared, as per usual, teased his girlfriend but gentled his words with either a soft squeeze to the small hand he held firmly in his grasp or a gentle kiss on her cheek, all the while Jensen pretended to be engrossed in the film they were meant to be watching. Where Sandy got gentle intimate touches from his best friend, Jared’s physical interactions were unmistakably friendly towards him, but nothing more. Although it had been more then two months now that his usually tactile friend had stopped a significant portion of their physical interactions, it still stopped Jensen in his tracks when Jared’s usual repose of pulling him in an one quick hug, turned into a gentle slap on the shoulder or worse a few ‘atta boy’ taps on his back. It hurt but this reaffirmed everything for the pregnant teen, that nothing he could say now about the baby he was expecting, would change anything for the better between them. He did not fit in the pretty picture they had drawn together anymore and if he forced himself in the picture, he would not only end up heartbroken but so would the two other people.

Jensen bought his ticket to leave for Paris three weeks earlier then he had planned. His goodbye to his family, friends and Jared was a rushed affair that barely allowed anyone to dwell on his impending departure too much. At the airport, Jensen was carefully not to say much, when Jared finally pulled him in their first hug in 3 weeks, whilst they both held off as much of the inevitable tears they could. When Jared told him they would see each other around Christmas, Jensen made sure not to answer and preoccupied himself with shifting his sweatshirt bag into place as inconspicuously as he could. Jensen knew he would probably not see his friend for a very long time, if ever, so he silently allowed himself to be hugged once more before he forced himself to walk away and board his plane to his new life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do logistics matter when you have artistic license?

**Chapter** **5**

3 Months later

Jensen breaks down and calls his younger sister when the doctors tell him that they are concerned about some of his latest scans that show that his daughter might not be getting much of the nutrients she needs as there is something wrong with the umbilical cord. He’s 18 and scared and in a foreign country by himself. He’s also 32 weeks pregnant so he knows it’s not time yet for the baby to come. He needs someone there with him and he’s not told his mother yet about the predicament he finds himself in and he can’t really tell Josh, his older brother, because he will freak out and maybe kill Jared a little. So that left Mackenzie who was 3 years younger but somehow brilliant and mature and everything Jensen wished he could’ve been at that age.

To a degree, Jensen idolised her, despite her being his younger sister. Mackenzie was a beautiful confident teen, who was not only excelling academically, but she was the only varsity cheerleader who also proudly belonged to their High School’s only geek squad, much to their parents absolute delight. Mackenzie had basically been born to outshine both of her brothers in the Ackles Family, as she dethroned Josh ‘the future doctor’ from the smarts department, to Josh’s never ending chagrin, and swiftly seemed to claim Jensen’s ‘beauty’ badge in the pretty department, with each year of her life. This was a title Jensen was more then happy to give up as he’d been teased endlessly for being nominated ‘Prom Twink’ his sophomore year in High School and then ‘most likely to become a supermodel’ to his horrified surprise during their senior year. Jensen was more then happy for his little sister to be the smartest and the prettiest in their family as he knew she deserved it a lot more then he did.

He hated to put any type of pressure on her but he was also scared out of his mind and he definitely knew who he instinctively wanted to call even though it was impossible to, under his current circumstances.

Luckily, Mackenzie picks up her phone despite it being 3AM in the morning on her end.

“I need you to come to Paris.” The words are out of his mouth without so much of ‘how are you’.

“You know I’ll be there tomorrow if mom and dad say it’s okay.” Mackenzie answers groggily. Jensen instantly feels some of his tension drain from his body, because even if this is not something practical or feasible and Mac can’t and will not be allowed to miss classes to take a trip across the world, just the comforting thought that she would come even if it was during one of the school breaks they both would have, was enough to settle him a bit.

“How can you be such an insufferably good sister.” Jensen playfully grunted.

“I can’t help the fact that all the good genes came to me.” Mac responded unapologetically honest. “So fess up what has you calling me at such an unsociable time?” Mac wondered her voice already much clearer and awake. Jensen felt a spike of guilt. He shouldn’t have been calling her this early and he shouldn’t put all the drama and pressure he was going through, on her. Mac was freshly 15 years old and in her Sophomore year. She had better and far more innocent things to concern herself with, like who was taking her to junior prom next summer and the Pre SATs. Jensen’s pregnancy complications were concerns for a much more mature audience and he knew exactly who would have turned to, in any other scenario. Vanishing the thought out of his mind as quickly as it came in, Jensen zoned back into his conversation.

“Shit sorry Mac, I wasn’t thinking about the time. I guess I just wanted to talk and I was feeling homesick.” He quickly said, only partly lying.

“Mmmh, I get being worlds away must be scary, but you’re in Paris and young and pretty. Go get yourself a Parisian boy whilst you are still in the position to hook one and make sure you get laid!” His sister again bluntly spoke.

Jensen blushed unwillingly, if Mac only knew how well his sex life had worked out for him thus far. “Sjeesh Mac, don’t need my little sister honing in on my sex life thank you very much.”

“If I won’t, then who will?” Mac responded, again not the least bit sorry. “Why are you calling me anyway about being homesick haven’t you spoken to Jared yet, or was he as much help as can be expected from our endearing local spazzhead or shall I say ‘soon to be groom’.”

Jensen winced at the line of questioning that was quickly veering in the undesired direction.

“Didn’t want to disturb him in case he was with Sandy.” Jensen quickly said before his sister latched onto anything suspicious. It was too late though for his pedantic sister who proceeded with the line of questioning unfettered by Jensen trying to change the subject.

“Mmh, well last I spoke with him, he was hounding me about you not calling him for weeks now. Which again begs the question why you turn to your poor little sister when you have a best friend desperate for smoke signals or any sign of life, regardless of his physical location.”

Jensen sighed heavily. He knew there would always be this type of questioning when speaking to a sister who could be a word renowned CIA agent if she so much as wanted it the job.

“I’ve been trying to respect his space with Sandy. I don’t know how these protocols with wedding planning work but don’t want to interrupt the happy couple in the midst of this whole ordeal that is going on. Besides I’ve been busy.” Jensen replied already having rehearsed this bit. He’d been prepared to field calls from friends and family as he began distancing himself from Jared. He had rehearsed quite a few excuses that by now were ready to flow off his lips, to whatever rapid fire questioning was thrown his way.

“Not busy enough to avoid freaking out about being away from home. It’s okay dear brother, I’m here to help.”

Jensen resisted rolling his eyes. The baby in his stomach gave a kick at that exact moment so he silently took a seat on the lay boy in his apartment, despite knowing he would later struggle to climb back out of the comfortable but inconvenient piece of furniture. It was totally worth the momentarily relief of carrying his baby’s weight around.

“So what’s brought on this freak out anyway?” Mac wondered.

“Guess things have gotten a bit overwhelming lately. I’m due this big project and it’s been messed up a bit which is causing me some concerns now.”

“Well your best paintings have always been the ones to cause you the most grief. Just take a break from it, that always used to help. Go visit the Louvre, it’s on your doorstep now, let yourself be inspired.” Mac added helpfully. Jensen kind of wished it was a painting issue. He’d been more then inspired, apparently a broken heart and stress were great cures for an artists’ inspiration. He was only a student but had managed to sell a few of his larger pieces to an art buff whose interest in his paintings had been peaked and Jensen had been using that source of income to keep himself afloat. Although he’d managed to cause some buzz with the paintings he’d sold, he knew that the money in the art business was never consistent and to add to his worries of impending fatherhood, he knew his scholarship money would not stretch far when caring for a newborn baby. Inspiration was not necessarily what he was lacking. It really was the emotional and financial support that had him distressed but he’d hated calling and burdening his sister with any of this added stress. She was at an age where impending college application 2 years from now was supposed to be her biggest concern, not exactly her unwed pregnant brother.

He gently agreed to Mac’s assumptions and hung up shortly after, before he accidentally let anything slip. Although he’d felt the initial relief of speaking to someone supportive, sooner then he really wanted, he again felt the beginnings of fear and disparity at his predicament. The only other person he can think of calling is the crazy red-head girl he met at the fashion institute a few months back, Danneel something. She’d guessed Jensen’s pregnancy within 3 days of meeting him when he’d been forced into a shoot for some of his fellow art students and was asked to model some of her pieces for the photos they needed. In Jensen’s defence his belly hadn’t ‘popped’ yet and he knew the advantages of the shoot outweighed the risks of being discovered. He had quickly learned his first few weeks in Paris that putting yourself at the front and centre of anything, was the only way to gain traction in their fickle world of business. So he had tried his best to work as many projects as he could before his pregnancy slowed him down. Danneel barging into his changing room was an unfortunate accident but despite her accidental discovery of Jensen’s less then flat stomach, she had somehow not only covered for him but the toner times they had met they had gravitated towards one another. Danneel was a fiery outspoken red-head who was clearly extroverted and did not mind the spot lite and these were features completely opposite to Jensen but somehow in the cut throat art world of Paris this _worked_ for both of them.

Jensen was being dubbed pretty and talented and Danneel had schmoozed her hands into almost every facet of the art community she could, easily making a name for herself. She had more then boosted Jensens range in audiences, whilst uplifting her own presence by association. This meant that he was doing less but just meeting with Danneel in public had been sufficient for both of them to feed off the gossip and admiration they garnered. Paris had a world that could be shallow but Danneels support always seemed genuine and kind. As Jensen grew in his pregnancy Danneel had spun the story of his recluse to the ‘south of France’ and with that kept his name in conversations despite his lack of presence. He never asked for her help but she appeared to freely help Jensen despite this and she was always honest with her own motives for this. “Jensen, a pretty face like yours with the talent you have with your hands, means that you will go far and be talked about, I can hang on the curtails of your fame one day if this fashion thing doesn’t work out” she’d said bluntly. They had struck a tentative friendship and Jensen had let her crash in his apartment on several of her inebriated nights when she couldn’t trust he dubious roommates to care for her general well-being. He hesitated about calling her regarding his current predicament as it would test their friendship but he knew he would never fully know whether they could become closer friends until he took a leap of faith. And Jensen knew he needed to sort something out and soon.

—

The details haven’t been ironed out, in not so many words his sister has just agreed to whatever shenanigans Jensen has yet to propose. He knows it’s probably cause the teen would love a trip to Paris more then whatever reason Jensen could be asking her presence for but he was happy to go along with whatever as long as he has _someone_ with him.

“So we need to come up with a plan.” He suggests and he already knows his sister is concocting the master of all schemes, parts of which she will have researched to the minuscule detail in a matter of weeks. It’s not until his parents buy the story of a 2 month abroad program, that she actually asks Jensen what had been the unanswered questions that led to this ridiculous yet brilliant plan. Mac had cleverly tried to catch him off guards as they were on the phone discussing her flight details and Jensen had just moments earlier spoken with his parents to once more reassure his mom that he would make sure Mac was doing her homework whilst she stayed with him and that the young teen wouldn’t be going out and about on her own. Mac had conveniently received a school pack with specific classes and homework assignments, she would’ve missed due to her trip, just to ensure she ‘kept up with the American curriculum’. Although the school assignments were indeed given by her High School, Mac had managed to simultaneously create a ‘Paris exchange program’ as well as a ‘famed great Aunt in France’ who she would be staying with in order to broaden her prospects for college by attending a intense french language program. In reality the school was under the assumption that their parents had insisted on this trip and had written a well crafted letter, formally requesting Mac’s leave of absence to attend said french language program, all the while her parents were under the assumption that the school had especially nominated his brilliant little sister for said language program and insisted Mac attend this, with the same reasons of bettering her college prospects. Jensen was glad that he had such a clever sister otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to manage this absurd plan. But it was during this call, before her trip down, that Mac broaches the subject.

“So you know that the moment I land you are going to have to tell me what this whole situation is about?”

—

Despite the 5 weeks he spend worried about his impending birth and babies health, Jensen gives birth on a Tuesday afternoon in a hospital in France. Despite his doctors initial concerns about the health of his baby girl, both father and daughter make it through the delivery and post-op, in flying colours and he’s barely been able to take everything in most days after the birth but he finds himself unequivocally changed by fatherhood. He knew though that all would be alright now and that it would be them two against the world.

It helps Jensen greatly that his leap of faith regarding his friendship with Danneel, turned out to be well worth it as she not only called him a dumbass for not letting her know sooner about his pregnancy issues but she had essentially invited herself to move in until Jensen gave birth. Jensen knew they had worked well as casual friends but it seemed like their friendship improved even further as they spent more time together. Jensen had vulnerably confided in Danneel and she had done the same about her own past before she got to Paris. The weeks leading up to the birth of his daughter, Danneel made herself indispensable and Jensen finally found someone he could trust in the new life he was building.

In a uncanny occurrence, the same day their daughter graces the world with her presence, across the Atlantic, Jared wakes up abruptly, sweaty and panicked, from a nightmare he immediately can’t remember the details of. He’s got his phone in his hand with the contact number of his best friend already pulled up on the screen, without him having any recollection of when he grabbed his phone or how ended up staring at Jensen’s number. He contemplated calling the number, but what stops him is Sandy who shifts in her sleep and deters him with her presence. He’s not spoken to Jensen in weeks now and although he knew it was just a matter of time for them to grow slightly apart due to the different directions their lives were taking, his heart has felt a heavy strain for as long as Jensen’s been away. He knows his friend will be at his wedding and it’s the only that thought that has been soothing the nerve wrecking energy he’s been trying to suppress whenever any wedding conversation comes up. He forces himself to go back to sleep and snuggles closer to Sandy, in the hopes that he’s nerves settle again.

His eyes eventually close and he feels himself drifting, still a gnawing feeling in his stomach insists that things are not going to be right until Jensen is back in the States.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paris may be lovely in the summer but we won’t visit many places ... all be aware of time jumps as you may blink and time’s gone away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter! Thanks for all the kudos and thanks for those who also took time to comment! Hiya there! 
> 
> Just wanted to let y’all know this story is fully written but still riddled with mistake so I’m ironing them out as much as I can before posting them so if there is a delay in posting it’s solely cause I’ve noticed a massive inconsistency I’ve made over the big span of time I took to write this and I’m trying to quickly fix it. 
> 
> Also I do tend to go back and make minor edits I have seen in previous posts so also .. you know sorry for that! 😅

**Chapter 6**

Despite his initial trepidation about the next stage of their plan, Jensen sends Danneel to be the one to collect his little sister from the airport. The primary reason for this is that he technically is supposed to still be taking it easy physically, but he is partly also very apprehensive of going out on a busy metro with his newborn baby. He is sad to be missing his sister reaction of arriving in Paris as well as taking the often confusing mode of transport all the way to his apartment but he’s instructed Danneel to record as much of the experience as she could. Jensen had frantically been tidying his apartment with no help of Danneel who insisted that there was no way Jensen could continue to ‘invent’ things to clean. She’d also accused him of being a homicidal maniac on a rampage in the same breath that she’d cooed at his daughter, so it was safe to say Jensen had in the recent week become somewhat desensitised by Danneel’s off handed comments. Jensen felt he was incredibly fortunate that he was able to live in a decent area of Paris, in a 2 bedroom apartment with the money he’d earned over the course of working nearly 5 years at his parents café, as well as the funds they gifted him from what they had set aside for his college fund. Both Jensen and his brother had managed to get their college years fully funded through scholarships so they both received a substantial amount of savings their parents had said aside as money intended their schooling. Jensen had made sure to keep any extravagant purchases to a minimum, so most of his furniture was purchased with the primary element of affordability and comfort in mind. Outside of furnishing he had only spent his money on his living expense and stocking up what he needed for the baby.

Jensen had just placed the baby in the bassinet when he finally heard the front door. He nervously rubbed his suddenly sweaty hands on his hoody, wishing he wasn’t worried about what he was wearing. It was just his sister but suddenly he wished jeans weren’t so uncomfortable to wear with his incision still tender from giving birth.

He rushed to the door and before his sister had even placed his luggage to the side she was squeezing and rushing into Jensen’s arms much to his delight.

“I can’t believe it’s been over half a year since looking at you pretty boy, I don’t think I’ve gone longer then 2 weeks without seeing you!” Mac exclaimed with her familiar raspy drawl. Jensen gave her a quick squeeze before letting her go so he could have a good look at her. She was as tan as ever and her long dark blond hair was a little shorter then it was when he last seen her. Her infectious smile had his own face beaming despite the unabated tears that sprung to his. _Goddamn hormones_.

“I can’t believe you are the little snot nose who used to beg me to braid her hair into pigtails!” Jensen teased back. This made Mac giggle and gently punch his left shoulder.

“I can’t believe you were a teenage boy who could braid his sisters hair into pigtails!” She retorted smiling widely.

Jensen held his hands up “Fair enough.” He conceded. Mac finally turned around to get a glance at his apartment and Jensen nervously rubbed his hands together. It wasn’t like she was going to audit his apartment but this was the first time Jensen ever had any family over in what essentially was his first place on his own.

“Relax, ya big girl, it’s not like she’s going to report every detail back to your parents.” Danneel commented sardonically as she made her way to Jensen’s fridge, which was on the left, in the slight open plan room layout.

“This place is amazing! I can’t believe you get to live here and that I’m in _Paris_ with you!” She said dreamily. Jensen smiled and relaxed a bit at her words. He knew his apartment wasn’t shabby for a place as close to the Louvre as he currently was. He was close to Jardin du Luxembourg, and his apartment was an old Parisian flat with high ceilings and big airy windows even though he’s not entirely sure if they are painted shut. It let plenty of light in and he often found himself cosied up in the little futon he’d placed by the window.

As Mac began snooping around his place, Jensen’s nerves shot up a notch which he tried to disguise by making enquiries about each member of their family. Whilst he did this Danneel returned with a cup of tea for him which he gratefully accepted and a coke bottle for Mac who eagerly took this. Jensen didn’t fail to notice Danneel hadn’t brought a drink for herself and his eyes widened as he commented this because it immediately clicked she was gonna make a run for it.

“Well Jensen, as entertaining and dramatic as this shit show will be, I think I’ve seen you cry enough over RSPCA commercials lately, to last me a lifetime.” The red hair woman said before patting Jensen on the head at his look of alarm before she silenced his protests.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she interjected as soon as his mouth opened and just as quickly his shoulders sagged. “Locate your balls, and drop the news with the swiftness of my last bikini wax”. Just like that Danneel turned to the door.

“It was nice to meet you Mac, you’ve confirmed my suspicion that your whole family might be as disgustingly beautiful as this _pretty boy_ but I’ve got other housemates to terrorise and a career ladder to climb, so I’ll see y’all later!”.

And then she was gone with Mac’s thanks still ringing in the air. His sister immediately turned to Jensen suspiciously.

“I thought she _was_ your housemate?” She asked confused. Jensen nervously bit the nail of his thumb as he tried to strategically find a way to inform her of the life changes he’d just gone through.

“Oh Danneel, comes and goes as she pleases but she’s been staying here lately to… well… help out.”

His sister’s eyes immediately narrowed in suspicion.

“What would you need help with? Did someone scam you out of all of your savings? Don’t tell me you got with a Parisian dickhead and he’s broken your heart?” Mac spoke in the rapid fire way she always did when she was onto something. She kept her gaze on Jensen, which left him both nervous and slightly annoyed.

“Sometimes you can be like a dog with a bone, can you relax so I can tell you something important.”

Mac did nothing to relax her gaze and instead she appeared to be on the verge of continuing her rapid questioning.”I think before you continue it Uhm… it might be better for me to show you this.” Jensen said nervously, interrupting her second wind of barrage of questions.

“Jenjen, you better not have brought me all the way to Paris, to help you get rid of a dead body.” Mac said in joking yet half serious voice. Jensen just sushed her before leading her to the 2nd bedroom in his apartment which doubled as a pretty yet neutral nursery as well as a guest bedroom. He took a a deep breath before edging the door he kept slightly ajar, open.

“What is the mystery, you are really freaking me…” As Jensen led her into the room and to the raised white crib he curiously turned to his sister to gauge her shell shocked expression. He looked back to his daughter his eyes turning as lovingly as they always did when he looked at her. It was hard for Jensen to believe sometimes that not only was this _his_ daughter, but that his heart was able to remain in his chest despite the overwhelming love he sometimes felt for this tiny human being. He never believed he could love someone more then he loved his child’s father, but everything he had read in preparation for caring for this tiny human being, was right. The love one had for a child was unlike anything that could actually be put into words.

He turned back to his sister unable to keep the proud smile off his face despite the nerves he felt at saying his next words.

“Mac, come meet your niece Julliette.”

His sister took a few steps forward her eyes moving from the crib and back to Jensen, still speechless for a few more seconds, before she finally spoke.

“Sweet mother of Jesus flipping Christ, Jensen did you have a kid?!”

—

It took a few hours for Mackenzie to settle down, and a lot of tears before Jensen could get the whole sordid story out, but eventually his sister was told everything leading up his trip to Paris (minor the details he kept to himself for the sake of self-preservation). As he had to feed Julliette during his story telling, he’d managed to get Mac to hold her niece and as it took less then a few seconds for her to fall completely and totally in love with her niece, she was more then eager to have the honour to carry the little girl around. It wasn’t until she was holding her that Jensen realised that other the the cusp of dark blonde hair, both he and Mac had slightly fairer skin then the baby, which was barely noticeable but it meant that there was very little guesswork in realising the paternity of the baby for anyone who even briefly knew of Jensen’s best friend. This worried him, as he’d been so clouded by the newness of fatherhood, that he hadn’t realised the implications of his child favouring the appearance of her other dad, more then she did Jensen, who had given birth to her.

It might’ve been the jet lag but it took Mac a whole 4 days of settling into their routine to begin berating him once more with questions about what his eventual ‘plan’ was, other then what he had already accomplished, which was ‘mighty impressive’ to his sister.

“Honestly Jen, I don’t know who else could get away with coming all the way to Paris pregnant, without anyone even remotely clued in, back home.” She said as she pushed the stroller through Tuileries Garden.

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly plan for my life to turn out the way it did, so I am slightly winging it.” Jensen admitted sheepishly.

“Oh Jen, that is more then obvious! I mean do you know Jared is fully expecting you to show up to his wedding, which is in like less then 10 weeks just FYI.” Mac unhelpfully added.

Jensen muttered that he was ‘well aware’ of this information.

“Let’s stop for crepes on our way back!” Mac exclaimed excitedly, as if she hadn’t been hen mothering him just moments ago. Jensen replied affirmatively before leaning down to once more check on Julliette, who was resting quietly despite the commotion going out around her.

“Gosh, she’s just like him isn’t she, just able to sleep through the whole world going on around her.” His sister mused, coincidentally voicing the exact thought that had just crossed his mind.

“I know right.” He agreed fondly before leaning back as they took a small break before they’d head to the exit of the park.

Jensen knew it was a matter of time for them to address the elephant in the room and he knew full well what he was getting himself into when he had invited his most tenacious sibling to Paris. She was the first member of his family he not only felt comfortable telling his news to, but that she was also the only person who would not only tell him like it is, and not old anything back anything she felt he needed to hear. Mac was less likely to go with any plans that meant keeping up pretences so bringing her over was Jensen unsubtle way of trying to have someone voice all of the concerns he had deliberately been ignoring, whilst also helping him come up with a way to solve them.

“Look, I know I was impulsive about coming here in the first place knowing I was pregnant—“

“No shit Sherlock.” Mac muttered even under his disparaging look.

“—but in my mind it’s really difficult, to think about what happened… as anything but a massive mistake.” Jensen swallowed thickly. He hated that even in the bright light of a sunny day he could still get this emotional nearly a full year since the incident.

“I can’t see how I can possibly show up to their wedding, knowing Julliette exists as proof of what we had done.” He finished trying to look anywhere but at his sister directly. Jensen was afraid he’d never stop feeling the intense embarrassment and shame whenever he thought about what had gotten him to the position he was in right now. He didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for his betrayal so maybe feeing like shit for the rest of his life was a fitting punishment for everything he had done.

“You know Jensen, it takes two to tango.” Mac responded as bluntly as ever. “If you ask me, Jared deserves someone to rain on his parade for his hand in this.” She finished. Jensen was slightly horrified at even the thought of Jared finding out about what had resulted of their incident as well as it possibly ruining his marriage.

“I can’t do this to Sandy.” He whispered painfully. They both knew he meant this just as much, if not more, for his best friend.

“So what will happen then, will you just not show up at his wedding? But then what Jensen? You can’t stay in Paris forever and mom, dad and Josh would all want to meet Julliette. You can’t keep her hidden from her _family_ forever.” Mac questioned, her emphasis on family was not lost on Jensen. He hesitated slightly before he told his sister the only other thing he hadn’t managed to clue her up on yet.

“I was offered to stay on for the full three years here for college, it will all be funded so I’m not—I’m not planning on returning to New York after the end of this summer.” He winced at the delayed disclosure but he hadn’t wanted to tell his sister the news the day she had landed and at the first shocked and then dismayed emotions across her features, he was glad he told her in a beautiful place where she could digest the information and distract herself shortly after. He also knew though that despite the fact that he had originally planned being a long ways away from their hometown anyway, his sister probably had hoped to be able to visit or see her brother at an easier distance then the Atlantic Ocean would allow.

“Fuck Jen, you might really get away with this then.” She answered exasperated. Jensen was unsure on how to even respond to this.

“Jen, are you sure you want to do this? You know this won’t buy you forever.” She tried to reason. Out of his usual nervous habit he bit his bottom lip nervously.

“Jared might eventually forgive you for missing his wedding, but you won’t be able to evade him forever. He will hunt you down eventually and what do you plan on telling him when he does?”

Jensen fidgeted under her intense gaze. He had been contemplating what could come next but it was hard sometimes to set aside his emotions from what was the _right_ thing to do.

“I was thinking maybe with time, he and Sandy will get closer and uh… have kids and then maybe… maybe I won’t matter so much.” The words were more difficult to say out loud then when he had them running through his head. He knew a lot his relationship with Jared had to do with the fact of them being so attached at the hip. He knew that even though _he_ might never be able to forget Jared given he had given birth to their child and the unrequited feelings he carried around, but this didn’t mean Jared couldn’t. Sandy would be replacing his place in Jared’s life, there was no way he could remain as important to Jared when he had a wife or his own kids. The thought hurt but he knew the this had to be true. He tried to stay strong and bit his already poor abused lip, harder to keep him from getting too emotional in public. Gawsh he hated these damn hormones, obviously still not quite right in his body. He’d become such a wimp and his sister sad contemplative expression only confirmed his suspicions that he was currently a sad case to behold.

She approached him and reached out to squeeze his chin, forcing his jaw to relax on his lip. The odd gesture reminded him of Jared.

“You’re both idiots you know that. Just both completely and entirely clueless idiots.” She said with both exasperation and frustration lacing her voice. Jensen refused to examine too closely what she meant with those words as he’d already driven himself further with emotions then he intended in the middle of a park in Paris.

“I just want to say that for the record, I think you should just go to the States with Julliette and let the chips fall where they may,” at his immediate alarmed expression his sister quickly rolled her eyes before muttering underneath her breath and continuing. “But I guess if you are determined to go down this course of action we need to sort out the situation with mom and dad at least.” She said finally with some reluctance. Jensen breath a sighed of relief knowing his sister would be on his side despite her trepidation. “And we need to find a way to keep Josh at bay. He has been pretty occupied with medical school though so hopefully that will keep him distracted enough with his own drama.” She continued pensively as they began walking toward the park exit. Jensen stayed quiet as he quickly checked on Julliette, and in an aid to distract himself he let his sister take over the master planning for now. He’d walked with the heavy burden of his secret for long enough, that he had been feeling the strain and he was glad to have someone who was happy to share some of the burden with him.

—-

He was happy Mac hadn’t been too pushy about hitting all of the iconic tourist attractions in Paris and was instead happy to walk through the nearby gems of Paris as well as the less touristy parts which were more local to his apartment. They still went to the Louvre and the famous gardens attached to the museum but they decided to skip the Mona Lisa for a quieter evening viewing the following week, as he’d quickly learned that the best times to visit were either at opening or closing time. He preferred the evening walks through the museum anyway, as most of the tourists would descend on dinner plans leaving a lesser crowd roaming through the museum at a more leisure, pace before its closing time.

Against his better judgment, Danneel had volunteered to take Mac to the attractions that required more traveling as Jensen wasn’t quite ready to travel very far with Julliette. This meant that he had to be a little more strict with the rules of curfew since he knew first hand what an active night life Danneel led, being as young and attractive as she was, in a city like Paris. His sister had been allowed to attend two art exhibitions in his stead and rub elbows with some elite members of the fashion and art communities. She’d excitedly told him of familiar faces she had seen and profusely thanked him and Danneel for allowing her to live her Gossip Girl moment in Paris of all places. Jensen was happy to make the teens dream come true and Danneel was ever so grateful to have another attractive member of the Ackles family to parade around with, since Jensen had been out of commission for some time.

He was also happy that Mac started her language course a week after arriving, as this had been one part of their ruse that he was glad had been true. This meant that she was quickly learning the basic phrases in French to get by. It was also fortunate that they had chosen a course which had classes nearby the university Jensen and Danneel attended, so whilst Jensen was catching up to most of his classes virtually for the first month she stayed with him, he began traveling to attend his summer classes again during the second half of her stay which meant they were all be able to meet for lunch in the area frequent enough. He’d struggled with leaving Julliette in the day care offered by the university for young students who were parents, but he knew it was something he had to get through with, to be able to provide the best for his daughter.

In the time that Mac stayed with him, Jared had called a few times, to check in on how they were doing. There was an awkward call when Jared had called to confirm the colour of Jensen’s suit as one of the groomsman and Jensen quickly relayed that his mother had been delegated to taking care of the arrangements. When he and Mac spoke about his decision to give Jared and him some time, she pointed it out that it would be to risky to Julliette to the States quite yet. In Jensen’s vulnerable state he was likely to spill his guts which would ruin all the reasons he had planned on staying away. So it was decided that Jensen would still to the plan of not attending and attempting to fade in the background of Jared’s priority list.

By the time Mac finally left Paris, Jensen was still conflicted in ways he knew only time could ease, but he also felt okay about giving Jared the only thing he could give in this moment. Happiness with his wife.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jumps serve their own purpose ... surely right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all been MIA due to exams and work being absolutely manic! This chapter isn’t being posted to be evil I’ve just been slower then usual with edits and reviewing these chapters.
> 
> Also thanks everyone who reviewed and left kudos! I’ll work extra hard this weekend to spend some more of this out to you guys!

**Six(ish) years later**

*****

Jensen held his daughter’s hand as they skimmed through the vast collection of children’s book in the comfy second hand bookstore, they found just off the Main Street. He watched his daughter carefully skim through various colorful bindings and Jensen’s almost certain she is looking for the prettiest covers. He had exhausted the phrase; “Don’t judge a book by its cover” and explained it at various times and in various ways but despite the fact that he knew she understood the concept, she still picked out all the best looking books before skimming through the tittles to see which once she really liked the most. It was an intricate process that the little girl insisted on going through and it became quite the dilemma when she couldn’t settle on the right one. The whole tenacious process only really reminded him of one other person.

“Juliette?” Jensen enquired patiently, slightly amused that despite the fact that they were on a tight schedule his daughter seemed to have collected all the calm of the world, as her eyebrows frowned in concentration.

“Yes, papá?” She asked in a slight French accent. His daughter was more French and British then she was American at this stage of her life and despite her grandparents best attempts, there were only so many ways they could influence the southern accent to form or even remotely stick, from a continent away. Julliette had spent her long summers in the french country side when she wasn’t attending the international British school he has enrolled her in, so it was almost inevitable that she spoke English slightly different then most members of her family.

It was another short while before Jensen spoke again because despite responding, the little girl was still enwrapped in her books.

“We’re running late.” He said gently whilst crouching down next to her, which enabled him to speak to her at eye level. She finally turned to him placing her hands on her waist and with her lower lip protruding in a slight pout.

“But papá, you’re going to be gone all night, and you promised we’d buy some new books for if I get bored.“ she said exasperated, sounding as if she was the one doing the reprimanding and not at all like a normal five year old should. Jensen could not hide his internal pride at how smart his baby had become despite wanting to lightly reprimand her attitude.

“I know sweetie. You can still have your books, you just might have to hurry up a little." He said as complacent as he could be whilst still keeping a level of authority.

The look his daughter gives him at that moment reminds him so much of his former best friend that it instantly warms his insides. Being back in the States seemed to have awoken a vast collection of feelings he had so carefully deluded and delegated to the back of his brain for so long, when he had still been in France. He still had been unwilling to deal with any of the realities he was to face yet, but as fate would have it, this had been a hope that sustained on little promise. As soon as he had purchased his tickets after packing his life away in order to return back to their home city, the realization of his choice to move back, which he had kept at bay, began pushing to the forefront of his mind. At the front and centre was his former best friend. Jensen did not for even a second believe, that moving back would come without significant risks.

Jensen had a long time ago accepted that Jared would always have some kind of role in his life and that despite his attempts at keeping his distance, they still had their daughter who would always remain the main link that tied them back together. He also had almost two decades worth of friendship with the man and many ways they would always remain connected to that link even though they had barely spoken in well over a few years now.

Jensen had become well versed in not spending anytime dwindling on any fantasies. He knew well of the harsh reality he had come to face a long time ago. In the same way that he knew almost certain that his links to Jared would never completely sever.

Mostly because along with accepting Jared to be forever linked to their lives, he had also come to understand that his former best could never have the same part in their lives that he once held.

Jensen had always been well aware that his decisions would have consequences that he would have to face for the rest of his life. The pain of his unrequited love that lodged itself firmly in his chest, as he was placed on the sidelines to watch from a far how his best friend continued to live a life filled with success and happiness, was only _one_ of the many consequences. Bearing Jared's child and becoming a single parent without ever fully sharing the other half of his daughter’s parentage with anyone except his immediate family, was another self-inflicted but poignant consequence.

Over the years, Jensen had slowly come to terms that no matter how many years he spent traveling and working across Europe, seeing the beauties of that side of the world did not erase the restlessness he felt for something profoundly familiar, Jensen could never practically stay away from home forever. He had tried to keep as in close contact as he could, with his parents but despite his parents’ good nature he knew that for ever year he spend away, his mother was more likely to show up one day and force Jensen to come back home. He had avoided most trips home and had tried to keep Juliette’s existence a secret from most of his family but after Mackenzie found out during the surprise summer break trip they had last minute planned without giving Jensen’s parents enough time to reject the idea, it was safe to assume that the cat had been placed undecidedly out of the bag. At this point, amongst all of his immediate family knew for a while now. His parents assumed he had a dalliance with some European fellow that had ‘gone wrong’ and that the ordeal had left Jensen in ‘a state’, which he overcame admirably ‘given the circumstances’. Mac had been the only one to really question his daughters parentage for all of the three seconds it took for her to look at her niece and for Jensen to breakdown and tell her but mostly kept her assertions to herself. Due to the nature of his ‘predicament’ his well-meaning but prideful southern momma, refused to allow any gossip regarding Jensen’s private life, to reach American soil.

So, Jensen had suffered relatively smaller injuries from his family, for what he did. He knew that things with Jared however wouldn’t run as smoothly, so he had been preparing himself for that reality over the years. He still believed that seeing Jared’s success from his career and his life with Sandy as they both morphed into rising famous celebrities, reaffirmed the difficult choice he made. Jared’s life appeared to be working out exactly how the young boy with chestnut hair had planned it, when they were little snot noses in grade school. A young and naïve Jared had then declared he would grow tall, become as famous as superman and marry the prettiest girl in their class. Even when they were young when Jared declared this, Jensen had felt a displacement in Jared’s dream and when Jensen petulantly voiced his discontentment at being left out and exclaimed “what about me?!”, Jared had simply answered like there had not even a moment where what he said next was not a given, “we are already together forever, Jen!”. Jensen remembers feeling warm at the words however innocently spoken. It had always been a given that they would remain the best of friends forever, at least until it all fell apart.

But he had no longer had any say in this matter so he swallowed whatever emotions that threaten to overwhelm him, in his more vulnerable moments when the memories tried to push forward and played his part to the best of his abilities, never wanting Juliette to bear any of his burdens.

Jensen tried to shake off some of the memories from the surface of his mind as they rushed to overwhelm him. He focused back to his daughter instead to see how far she had gotten. They eventually settled on a total of three books, which seems to appease her for the moment, just as Jensen’s cell phone started ringing. He lets it go to voicemail, not even needing to glance at the caller ID to know it's his assistant waiting to call him explicit names for running late. Once they make their purchases they exit the book store into the warm fall air and begin making their the car as Juliette occupies herself with swinging around her new purchases. Jensen was trying to get used to how sometimes it took a inordinate amount of effort to distract himself from the lingering on self doubt he experiences, after he decided to return to the States. Despite this he usually refocuses on tasks at hand which is fortunate as he is trying to make sure Juliette is strapped in safely with her seatbelt, as she is seated next to him in the back seat. Luckily, this is all taken care of just as the vehicle starts moving.

At first the idea of a driver had seemed a little ridiculous and highly pretentious to him, but then he took into account that he no longer had to worry about directions in the mainstream city, or whether his daughter kept her seatbelt on for the entire ride. It also took out the potential life and death scenarios, such as. Being a passenger also meant that he was less concerned if Danneel or his sister were going to verbally assault him that day or not and cause him to veer off his lane and crash. After some contemplation, a driver began seeming like a blessing in disguise.

They were barely pulling into traffic before his little girl was nose deep into one of her newly purchased books, and that instantly brought a small smile to his face. For a moment he let himself bath in the short moment of tranquility they had while driving home and Jensen intently watched his daughter with a amused smile. Her long brown waves were braided into two separate pigtails though a few lose strands had escaped the hair do, and got pushed back behind her ear as to not obstruct her view.

One of the things Jensen was always grateful for was the impeccable (though expensive) taste in fashion his daughter had adopted from his fiery foul mouthed assistant, and he momentarily appraised his daughter’s attire for the day. She was wearing a white Burberry trench coat, with her black same brand Mary Janes with carefully picked out socks folded at her ankle and pushed down neatly. On the top of her head she had a simple white headband that complemented her coat and her Dior pale pink dress, all of which must have cost him a fortune. It was a little deceiving that this girl could look so proper one moment and then be savagely downing a hamburger the next, and all this in nothing but her tidy withies, mind you. It made him feel at ease and grateful that his kid never matched the personality one would expect of someone in her clothes. Spoiled and self entitled children was he'd unfortunately been witness to one too many times at the benefactor parties kids were allowed to attend. Though to a stranger Juliette might first look intimidating or occasionally spoiled, Jensen was proud to say that there was hardly ever truth to those impressions. He'd made sure of that by exacting the words ‘no, you are not allowed’ whenever it was appropriate to limit her boundaries. This had often been necessary, especially back when they had very little means to their name, just for it to be splurged around.

Now however, both he and his daughter were being driven around and she was decked out in clothes he only imagined he would be able to afford one day. This made him reminisce how things were before he could afford to live like he did now. He had a rough time long before his first piece of artwork made any long lasting profits. He hates thinking about the times where he had to count himself lucky, that he could make a few decent pennies modeling small time commercial print, just to afford the essential. His scholarship and grant money had long dried up after he graduated and at the rate Juliette was growing out her clothes the first year of her life, he could sometimes barely scrape together to make sure she was presentable. With his patience and endurance he was able to not spend almost a dime of his art contributions for a whole year and that nearly entirely went to the first place he purchased outright just for him and Juliette, along with the rest of his savings. He had been so happy and content about his 3 bedroom home on the outskirts of Paris. He had no idea at the time, that he would multiply his earning by the end of that year, by numbers he couldn’t even begin to process. His tiny art shows, which admittedly weren’t as tiny as he once had considered, became a staple of how far he had made it. Before he knew it he had been able to afford a beautiful place within the heart of Paris and although Jensen had been tempted, he instead send the first 6 figure salary back home to purchase out, the rest of his parents home and put money towards Mackenzie schooling and later on her first apartment. Before he knew it he had enough to buy his own swanky place in California so he purchased a beautiful warehouse converted unit, so that he and Juliette had a place where they could stay on their brief and rare visits to his parents, especially when it became harder for them to travel the distance to visit him in France. With these contemplations, Jensen watched California pass by his window as they drove home.

—

Jensen had barely taken a step inside of his house before he was ambushed from all sides. His own sister, Mackenzie, began tugging at his jacket while Alona, ironically his assistant’s assistant, was unbuttoning his shirt. Juliette had run straight into the arms of the devil herself and abandoned her father in favor of her favorite aunt. The little traitor, he thought fondly. Unlike his daughter who had gotten a warm welcome in the form of a kiss and an embrace, Jensen was immediately under the scrutinizing glare of his main _life_ assistant who had ironically become Danneel.

She had lived up to her statement and when her interest waned in trying to extend her shelf life in the exhausting and fickle fashion industry, she had realized that she had a knack for managing people’s life. She’d always schmoozed like no one he’d ever met and had already been managing his life on a unofficial capacity. So, when Jensen had threaten to become a recluse after she scored him his first few moments of fame, she helped him regain momentum and it was almost natural how they fell into her taking over his life. It was only right for him to pay her for her unwanted but appreciated interference and they worked well together ever since.

"You're late, we have exactly 45 minutes to get to the event, where btw incase you'd forgotten, you're the main guest of honor, as it is about _your_ show." she said in a clipped tone.

Jensen had a few biting remarks of his own that he wanted to throw her way, like how he knew damn well that he was running late, but favored not to subject his daughter to a string of colorful words that particular conversation could feature and instead glared at the people physically assaulting him and undressing him for all eyes in the open foyer to see. He loved the big open and iron framed windows in his house that let in more the sufficient light during the day but not much else privacy beyond that. He had put a lot of work in making his place hi

"So what the red devil's won you over? Have you crossed to the dark side?" he asked his sister as he cut himself lose from their grasp and began moving to his bedroom so that he could finish undressing himself thank you very much.

"Nope, I'm doing this out if the fondness of my heart. I'd hate it if your first impression back in California, turned out to be an embarrassing one that would forever put the Ackles name to shame. Especially if you show up unbathed, unwashed haired and with that hideous thing on your face."

She said easily as she climbed the stairs ahead of him.

"So you're working from a personal angle with your own selfish agenda. I'll have you know that I've been told countless of time that I look hot with my ugly beard and greasy hair." he answered indignantly.

His sister scoffed and he automatically narrowed her scrutinizing eyes on him. "By who? The countless of men and women you won't date, or even give the chance of day to, or the imaginary friends you’ve made who may or may not be present in the room at this very moment?"

He purposely ignored her comment and instead went straight to his ensuite bathroom to use the shower and change. Thank goodness no one followed him in there so he continues pretending he did not hear Mackenzie’s shouting after him that someone had done him a disservice by telling such a bold lie about his beard.

Sometimes he really did not like the women in his life no matter how great babysitters they could be. Mac had grown into the beautiful and smart young woman he had imagined her being but her feisty nature had been nurtured for far too long by the people around her, so she carried her bluntness from her teen hood straight into young adulthood, much to Jensen’s dismay. Whenever she partnered up with Danneel they were a force to be wrecked with and it often kept him on his toes. He would never admit it but despite his propensity to be a living hermit, both Danneel and her minions kept him really _living_ is life over the last years. Sure, he stopped caring about expanding his social circle, but it was mostly because he knew what or who—he was missing in his friend group, so he didn’t feel the need to fill this gap. They mostly kept him sharp with smart comments and built his confidence to deal with the necessary social commitments he had to keep.

He dressed as quickly as possible and went to kiss Juliette goodnight before he was herded out of the house, with Danneel and Alona on his heels.

\--

Jensen quickly escaped to the restricted area of the Gallery after he finally finished schmoozing one of the big investors, who just would not let up about the size of a gar he’d caught in some lake in Idaho. They were at an Art exhibit for heaven sake, who gave a shit about his whatever fish he’d hooked on a bait? Moments like these made him miss Europe, where older men were just as interested in the actual art pieces during a exhibition, instead of the men who were only attending to rub elbows and buy whatever their wives pointed to.

Jensen pulled out his cell phone and dialed the familiar number and anxiously waited for the person on the other line to answer.

“’ello?“ his sister greeted.

“How is she doing? Everything okay?” asked completely ignoring the unnecessary niceties.

“Good evening to you too big brother, I’m just fine thanks for asking!” Mackenzie snorted, “so is your daughter, she’s finally asleep. Now stop stalking us and go have some fun. “

Jensen sighed in relieve knowing he was exaggerating maybe just a little with the whole overprotective bit. He just couldn’t help himself. He loved his art but he loved his daughter more and hated mayhem surrounding his shows that kept him away from home any longer then was absolutely necessary. He’d already made all the money he ever needed in the world, to live a more then comfortable life with Juliette. He had enough set aside for her college fund as well as a sizable trust fund for her future. He’d decided last year when she’d start school, that maybe the time had come to focus more on his home life then all the traveling that was required in his career. It was important for a kid to have some stability in order to be able to make friends and grow roots. Of course he’d been roped into doing one last show as kind of a last bang for a good while, which meant he had to do the usual that came along with a new exhibit. Charity functions, public events, and of course meetings with potential buyers. He wasn’t retiring from painting entirely of course, he was just going to do the work at home and send something to the gallery every once in a while. It’s what he’d always preferred, but Danneel had rightfully insisted ‘Jen your face will do more for your art, then your art alone can do for itself’ and although it went against his artistic integrity, he had grudgingly admitted she’d been right.

“Thanks Mac,”

“No problem, you know I love babysitting my niece.” She simply said. And she really did love it. “Now I mean it Jensen Ackles, this is your last real show, now go enjoy it!” she berated.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” Jensen hung up and shook his head at his own antics. He was just about to return to the party when a voice stopped him.

“If it isn’t famous contemporary artist Jensen Ackles.” The familiar deep tone said, sending a thrill right down Jensen’s spine. “You wouldn’t believe the shit I had to go through just to get into this place.” The man continued.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We can’t run on heading towards the edge of a cliff ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another short one!

Jensen’s stomach had dropped the instant he recognized the speaker of the voice. He nervously collected himself before he finally turned around to face his best friend and was instantly greeted by a sun blinding grin with dimples and sparkling hazel brown eyes. For a moment he felt like he couldn't breathe. Maybe it was just a few seconds that appeared like an eternity but soon enough, he felt the onslaught and familiar feelings of _want_ and _need_ that had always plagued him from the day his voice first cracked marking his commencement into puberty. It was the same well-known feeling that made his heart feel pressed firmly against his chest making as it almost stuttered and temporarily clogging his air passage. He allowed himself only that moment to give free reign to his feelings of distant completeness and coming home. As usual the feelings of happiness consumed and overwhelmed him completely at seeing those hazel eyes directed intensely at him before he hid himself behind the carefully constructed mask and pushed everything away before the joyous emotions turned dark.

“Well as I live and breathe famous academy award winning actor, director, AND producer Jared Tristan Padalecki.” Jensen retorted counting off all the things that made his friend awesome, just like Jensen had always expected him to be. He couldn’t help but smile brightly back even with his mask firmly in place. Five years later putting up his _act_ felt like putting on a glove. It was a worthy sacrifice in order for them to continue co-existing in their carefully constructed reality and Jensen was happy to know that years of separation had not erased the engrained sense of self-preservation.

“Gawsh dude, I fucking missed you...” in less than a few seconds Jensen found himself being squeezed by the giant boa constrictor that had always been his friend. Jensen could not help the feelings that resurged sharply with a vengeance as he inhaled the familiar scent. It was a scent that brought him back _home_ , a scent he had no idea he missed so much. The hug lasted just a beat longer than just a regular friendly hug was supposed to before the two released one another. Jensen quickly reasoned that Jared and he had never been easily categorized as just friends, they were the best of them which was why a hug always _would_ last longer. He also couldn’t help thinking that maybe his feelings might’ve been at fault as well. Jensen did not allow that thought to take hold however, so he pushed away everything he wasn't allowed to dwell on, from his mind.

“Man, have you gotten taller?” He couldn’t help asking as he took in his friend, his heart beating just a tad faster and pumping the blood through his veins quicker than the situation warranted. Jensen however wished he could be more surprised that his heart clenched almost painfully, as he watched his giant friend throw back his head and let out a boisterous laugh that did all kinds of things to his other organs as well.

“Nah, just the usual to make me strong and healthy.” Jared finally answered still grinning like a loon. So was Jensen though, despite his hesitation to admit it. Again, he tried not to allow his thoughts to linger too much on Jared’s infectious laugh or his disarming grin and instead focused on Jared himself. “So how have you been, it’s been too God damn long you know.” He added regretfully at the end. And yeah it had been too long. Just about five years, the age of his… shit! How could he forgotten. His face paled slightly as he remembered all the reasons why this was so _not_ good news.

Jared apparently was still enough in tune with his friend that he picked up on the sudden change in his friend’s demeanor. “You okay?” he asked frowning in concern his hand instantly reaching for his friend.

Jensen tried not to flinch at the contact. It was almost strange how everything changed the moment he took his daughter back into account. Back in high school he would always allow himself to revere in the little moments when Jared would touch him, as it was the only contact he’d ever get, but things were different now. Had been different since the summer before college. With Juliette in the picture he couldn’t allow his attention to get fixated on little moments that meant nothing. Moments like now, with Jared’s hand heavy on his shoulder standing close enough that Jensen could smell his familiar cologne, trying to ensure that he was okay.

“U-uhm… y-yeah…” he said casually moving away and shaking himself back in focus. “Just kind of hit me you know, how long it’s been.” He added when Jared’s frown only deepened at his nervous stutter. This time though Jared gave an understanding look and smile.

“Too long…” he added his tone heavy and serious as he stared back at Jensen with the same gaze. Jensen squirmed under the scrutiny trying his hardest to keep his mental cursing at a minimum. He had an impressionable five-year-old he would have to return to at home, who took the swear jar quite seriously.

“So, how’s Sandy?” he finally asked trying to divert the attention as much off of him as possible. It worked because it took only seconds for Jared’s whole face to shift from serious to ecstatic, his eyes lighting up like a little kid who met Santa for the first time. Only Jared’s ‘Santa Clause’ came as a short hot brunette that could twist his panties in a bunch. This fact didn’t hurt any less in that moment, than it did years ago for Jensen, knowing that he could never be that same beam and source of happiness in Jared’s life. Jensen felt the same blow that always knocked him right back down to reality when it concerned his misplaced infatuation for his best friend.

“She’s awesome. We’re thinking about doing two or three more projects before we start trying for some little Padelecki’s.” He said proudly.

Jensen forced a smile keeping the ‘If you only knew...’ buried deep. “That is great, man! It’s exactly what you wanted.” He tried to be as exciting as he could without it seeming forced. He was happy for his friend though, there was no denying that. Jared looked at the ground sheepishly smiling shyly, while Jensen tried very hard not to notice the resemblance between the man and his daughter. Suddenly Jared turned back to him with a sad expression and for a moment Jensen thought his friend had read his mind, before he realized that that wasn’t possible.

“It’s not all that I wanted though Jen.” He said morosely the gloomy eyes telling Jensen exactly what he meant with those words. It was the same exact pair of eyes that had led him to believe he always meant a lot more to the tall man then what reality told him.

No matter what Jensen assumed or believed, it did not change one significant fact mattered regardless of how Jensen (or Jared) perceived their friendship. He had bailed out of the wedding. His best friend got married and he hadn’t been there in his rightful place as the best man. Jensen felt like an asshole again especially now that he didn’t have to rely only on his imagination to see how genuinely hurt Jared had been by this. It was a sentiment he had avoided seeing for so long, and the gnawing guilt crept its way into his stomach again. How could he have shown up though? He was still in France and Juliette was just a few months old and Jensen couldn’t just up heave her to the States when she was still so young. Not to mention he just could not risk losing potential hefty income as he Jared’s wedding coincidentally occurred around the same time, he had finally procured himself some much needed buzz around his work. At the time he did not have the leisure of choice, to walk away from a pivotal moment in his career, when he was the father of a newborn baby whom he had to clothed and feed. They needed the financial support and it was a rare enough occurrence to have a couple of art dealers on his tails eager to get their hands on his work for their wealthy client. He could not miss his opportunity, not with someone else depending so entirely on him.

“Jared, I’m so sorry about not being there—“ Jensen began genuinely pained that life had turned out the way it did.

“I know you are Jen but I kinda needed you there.” Jared said hurt. Jensen really felt like shit as he stared at his best friend’s dejected look. “It was my wedding man, you were supposed to be standing right next to me.”

Jensen looked down ashamed. He really hated everything about the situation they had found themselves in, because deep down he knew that even if he’d been in the country, fuck the same state, he’d still had probably bailed out as soon as the words ‘I do’ were spoken. There was no way he could’ve handled staying for the momentous occasion of his best friend forever tying himself to the love of his life, while Jensen sealed the final nail to the coffin filled with his unrequited love for Jared. But he couldn’t say any of that out loud or even remotely use that excuse, so instead he just stayed silent. For a moment neither of them spoke. Just as Jared was about to break the heavy silence, Jensen’s assistant Danneel shouted for him.

“There you are you idiot! Fuck Jensen, you do realize this is your show out there. You can’t just—“ Danneel cut herself off as soon as she caught sight of Jared who was looking a bit startled at the redhead’s abruptness.

Danneel took a good moment to assess both her boss and the very hot and sexy stranger he’d been talking to. “Well, you sure as hell didn’t tell me you were planning on ending your odious dry spell by hooking up with a handsome stranger.” She whispered bluntly (and loudly) her eyes sparkling mischievously. Jensen’s face flushed as he glared dangerously at his employee, while Jared stood by slightly amused.

“Dani, this is Jared an old _married_ friend, of mine.” He carefully pronounced. Danneel’s eyes widened in sudden interest as her gaze turned back to her boss’ supposed ‘old friend’.

“Best friend actually.” Jared clarified pointedly giving Jensen a look while still smiling as he shook Danneel’s hand. Jensen could not help himself or his eyes, as they glanced down to the very obvious gold ring on Jared’s left ring finger whilst he shook Danneel’s hand. He was an apparent gluttonous for masochism.

“Well, I’m Danneel and I wasn’t aware that Jensen could even make friends. The poor guy’s only friend these days is Juliette.” Danneel mused with obvious curiosity. Jensen’s eyes widened slightly at her words as panic rose within him.

“Juliette?” Jared asked grinning, as he of course, had not missed the name, as Jensen had hoped he had.

“His daughter.” His soon-to-be-fired assistant clarified. “Cute little thing really she lis—“

“—Danneel you wanted me for something?” Jensen cut her off quickly, giving her a dead angry look. She frowned for a moment before turning back to Jared who was gaping in bewilderment looking back and forth between Jensen and the redhead before his eyes rested on Jensen again. He was so firing Danneel, straight after the show and when he sees her cough in Jared's direction, with the subtlety of a griraf on skates, he only feels a little mildly guilty, at how she so obviously gets caught out by Jared who doesn’t buy her meek attempt at distraction. Jared, his not so oblivious friend, continued undeterred by Jensen or Danneel’s attempt to change the subject.

“You have a _daughter_?!” Jared finally managed when he found his voice.

Before anyone could say anything else Jensen heard an announcer say his name over a microphone just as people began clapping. Danneel quickly reverted back into business mode and pushed him back towards the party, where he was in demand. Jensen couldn’t help but momentarily feel relieved.

\--

“Jen!”

Shit, he mentally cursed, just as he thought he’d made a clean break. He wanted to ignore his friend and just bail out of the show as quickly as his part for the night was done but he knew that Jared would never forgive him if he did that. He had bravely decided to leave through the side door of the venue, which wasn’t typically as busy as the main doors but still out front enough that anyone from the street across could still see who was coming in and out of the building. He knew that it only depended on a person’s determination to wait, in order for them to approach him when he finally left the building to go home. Of course he should’ve know his friend was as stubborn as a mule.

“Jen man, I’ve been looking all over for you.” Jared began as he jogged up to him just as Jensen was heading to collect his jacket at the entrance. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to evade me.” His tone might have suggested he was joking but little tell-tale sign of the stoic expression and strained smile on his face indicated his suspicions had been exactly that.

“Sorry Jay, it’s just late and I gotta get home.” He tried to explain, it was clear though that Jared wasn’t having any of his excuses.

“You can’t do that Jen.” Jay said his head shaking as finally deeper emotion began resurging. “You can’t leave for Paris, bail out on my wedding and just cut me out of your life and not come back.” He said his voice gaining more force.

“Jared—“

“—No dude! It doesn’t work like that.” Jared cut him off angrily startling Jensen a bit. It was rare for his friend to be genuinely angry, at least it used to be, so Jensen was a little caught off guard. “Six years, Jensen. I haven’t seen you in almost six years. And every fucking time you bother coming back to the States I can barely even get a hold off you much less talk to you or see you.”

Jensen looked away ashamed.

“We weren’t supposed to drift apart as soon as we went to college. We were— _are_ best friends Jen. This is not supposed to happen to us. Paris and Europe was for one year and then you we’re supposed to come back and, and just—“

And this is where Jensen’s forced composure snaps because seeing Jared always did this to him, twisting his guts inside out, and the vulnerability he felt, made him feel pent up anger that had neither rhyme or reason.

“—Just what? Pick up where we left off in High School? You were going to be in L.A anyway with Sandy and I was going to be in New York.” Jensen shrugged.

“Yeah, but at least we’d be on the same continent! At least I could’ve just taken a quick flight and visit you on the weekends when you got busy and swamped.”

“You had your own projects going on too you know.” Jensen retorted, and he hated how petulant he sounded even with no ground to stand on.

“Fuck Jensen!” Jared said exasperated. “You have a fucking daughter and I didn’t even know.” Finally choked out.

“Jare—“

“Are you married? Was it a French dude? Or did you get wooed by an Italian?” Jared asked voice soft and persistent, genuine curiosity unmistakable in the tone of his voice.

Jensen let out a short bitter laugh, which slowly turned into an almost self-deprecating one. “Not exactly.”

“Then what? I mean--"

"She's mine." Jensen said cutting him off. "She's... She's just mine..." he added a bit awkwardly.

Jared's eyes widened slightly at the new information.

"I didn't know you were... So you were _pregnant_." Jared said a bit in awe.

Jensen nodded his head in affirmative, a small smile playing on his features as memories of his pregnancy came to him. It quickly turned into a frown as he remembered that not all of them had been happy. Some were unfortunately bordering depressive.

"I didn't know how you... would react." he shrugged and Before Jared could even protest he quickly interjected. "Look a lot has happened, and I really didn't mean to close you out like I did for so long. I do want to catch up… and you know… talk, but I really should be heading home."

"Juliette." the one word was said with such easy understanding, that for a moment it threw Jensen how quickly Jared understood everything that was part of him before he remembered that this was why they always worked. It was so easy to fall into the easy sense of just understanding what the other needed. He allowed another smile to grace his features and it was quickly reciprocated by one twice as bright.

"Call me okay." Jared reminded him with sobering and pleading tone.

Jensen nodded as he answered, "I will."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not awkward and confusing until you’ve looked close enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting for anyone who has been waiting! I’ve got one more assignment due this week and then I’ll be able to fully re-focus my weekends on editing/polishing the remaining chapters as much as I can before uploading them.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! Y’all are lovely reminders to get this story fully uploaded as quickly as I can! ♥️

Danneel handed him the phone with a stern gaze that meant business. "Call him."

Jensen glared evenly back and wondered when the tables had turned so quickly. Last he checked he'd been the one who was indignantly angry that his assistant talked about his life to practically anyone who would listen. So yeah maybe the fact that he had a daughter hadn't been a secret entirely, but he'd always protected his daughter from being publicly associated with him so that she had as much privacy as was needed in order to have a normal life. Danneel knew that and still she had chosen to open her big fat mouth.

So here they were, just a mere two days after she had innocently enquired about the tall hot guy, and another two days after he had stupidly disclosed Jared was a good friend he knew from high school. They were at an impasse, which she was begrudgingly winning. The famous phone call he had promised his friend would happen on his assistants time instead of his own. 

Jensen sighed as he also realized that he might have been in the wrong as well for not having contacted his best friend despite being relatively free the last couple of weeks. When he had made the decision to move back to the States he knew that finally being in the same country as Jared would’ve made it inevitable for the guy to eventually find Jensen’s not so hidden converted warehouse. He knew that hiding in an almost entirely gentrified neighborhood in his neck of the woods was a great choice for him to finish raising his daughter or maybe even settle down with someone, but it also left him in a non-gated community where the man could so much as track him down if he was determined enough.

If Jensen was entirely honest he had been conflicted about this possibility, partly because he was tired of hiding and didn’t mind finally being able to confront or maybe finally settle his friendship with Jared in a distant but amicable way. The other side of him was terrified of not only Jared finding out about his secret, but maybe the man also no longer caring about Jensen or his private matters anymore. It had been enough years and distance between them that he would not have blamed Jared for no longer wanting Jensen in his life. He was a little relieved this wasn’t the case. However this left him vulnerable. Jared had clearly stated to still be his best friend, and by that definition, best friends were supposed to know when the other had been pregnant and had a child. There were of course extenuating circumstances involved in their case. Circumstances that Jensen had deeply buried beneath a heap of other stuff he had yet to face. But Jared did not know about any of this and he was probably just waiting for a phone call from his friend.

Defeated he took the phone reluctantly out of Dannel’s hands, as the nerves of the inevitable conversation ahead began to nag at him.

Danneel huffed satisfied before turning away to whatever occupied her before her blatant necessity to meddle in Jensen's private life.

He slowly dialed the number and his fingers seemed to move across the digits effortlessly despite having hardly ever used that particular sequence of numbers, in the recent years. He brought the phone to his ear after taking one last deep breath.

He barely even heard the first ring with the rushing noise of the blood pulsing through his veins. His heart beat accelerated, as it naturally and always did--at the thought of Jared.

By the time it rang for a second time he realized one of his hands was wound tightly in a fist as it bounced up and down rapidly on his tapping foot. He ceased the nervous tick immediately considering it ridiculous that all this still happened despite the years that had gone by.

By the end of the third ring he went into panic mode as all kinds of reasons why Jared couldn’t or wouldn't pick up his phone rushed to his head, and he almost considered hanging up. And just as he began moving the phone from away from his ear he heard a familiar "'ello Jen?"

He had been so stricken, by both panic and excitement at hearing Jared’s voice, that he first didn't notice anything else that might’ve been going on, on the other end of the line.

"Jared." he choked out as he forced his mind to stay clear and behave. As soon as he did this, his brain began catching up to how the conversation had been going so far. A total of three words exchanged and Jared sounded like his usual self only a little... out of breath?

"You called. I almost thought you wouldn't,"

Jared finally picked up the lead, still not a fan of awkward silences Jensen noted, and he realized that Jared indeed did sound a little out of breath. And what was that rustling noise in the background?

"I mean... t-wo weeks and nothing." realization was dawning a little slower than usual for him but after a quick yelp from Jared and a familiar giggle, Jensen was more then caught up. There was only slight shock followed by a sort of emptiness when realization of the happenings on the other side of line dawned on him.

"Am I interrupting something? Shit I am. You know what I'll just catch up with you later." the bitter 'or never' was left vaulted in Jensen's thoughts. He momentarily wasn't sure whether to feel, annoyed angry, or sad that he just had the luck to have called his best friend just as he was occupied making a batch of little Padelecki's with Sandy. One thing though, that was clear to Jensen was that whatever slightest bit of hope that remained, of recovering the friendship that had once existed between Jared and him, was effectively lost by the twist of stabbing knots in his chest region that he _still_ felt, at the thought of Jared and Sandy being intimate. It was unadulterated jealousy and Jensen instantly feared it never would go away.

Jensen thought of having to see them together frequently again. The dosage of utter and total despondency he felt would only evolve into some ugly if he were to interact with Jared and Sandy on a regular basis. He thought the years of training his heart went through and how it should have learned to let go. He would’ve built more of a guard if had any inkling of what was to come, but this little experience showed him how difficult it actually would be for him to remain unaffected. He was understanding a percentage of people who hated love, and that set off some alarm bells. Loving someone as much as he loved his best friend should have been a health Hazard, or marked with a do not approach sign.

"No no no--no no! Don't hang up just..." Jared was moving, he heard a few hushed words exchange. And then he was back, all the while Jensen itched to press the red end button.

Finally, Jared was back on the line and Jensen fought the urge to snap, seeming to have settled with being angry and annoyed.

"Sorry man," Jared began sheepishly, "I'm so glad you called."

"I bet you are," Jensen couldn't help but add sarcastically. "I'm sorry it wasn't at the most convenient of times." and wasn't that just the understatement of the year.

"It's cool man, like I said I'm simply happy that you did. For a while there I thought it would be another bout of radio silence."

Jensen didn't know what to say to that, other than Jared would have been right in his assumption. This whole thing just gave more reason as to why Jensen should've let things just lay where they had been.

"So has everything calmed down enough for me to meet with you and the lovely Juliette?" Jared enquired casually. Panic rose within Jensen so sudden. that it took a moment for him to register that the earth hadn't shifted. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about Jared's curiosity and the likelihood that his best friend would eventually insist on meeting Jensen's daughter. Jensen had just hoped it was something he could continue to put off as long as possible figuring he could keep Jared occupied. But it now seemed that he'd underestimated Jared's curiosity and Jensen couldn't have that.

"How 'bout we grownups catch up first." Jensen said trying his best to keep his real sentiments on the subject from being revealed.

"Sure," there was an unmistakable hint of disappointment in Jared's tone that worried Jensen. "When's good for you? We should do a dinner sometime too, Sandy is dying to see you again." Jared continued building some enthusiasm, meanwhile Jensen's stomach clenched at the mention of Sandy, and the string of grief the thought of seeing her again in all her married life bliss, unintentionally brought Jensen.

Jensen scratched his head momentarily, he wanted to say that he had no free time for anyone but his daughter for at least the next decade, but it was a deluded thought that he could ever put his own feelings before Jared and their daughter. He'd like to think that staying away all these years was a self-centered attempt for not wanting to get hurt, but that was only partly true. He'd been drilled his entire life with Jared's hopes and dreams, which at some point all became attached to Sandy. Jensen's feelings and that _night_ were both things he'd have to take to his grave to ensure his best friends happiness. But staying close to Jared while he felt the way he did was just not an option. He loved Jared like he wouldn’t love anyone aside from his daughter, he'd long ago accepted that.

He knew his happiness was important to Jared as well, and he could only for so long pretend that he was completely happy. Sure Juliette brought unmeasurable happiness to his life from the moment she was a mere thought but it was always tinged with bitterness and fear under the disguise he was living trying to keep two parts of his life separate. Jensen had preferred keeping Jared happily oblivious of his pain. But now they were both unhappy with their friendship torn to shrubs and it had become more and more obvious to Jensen that he couldn't continue carrying his part of any discord with their relationship, he had enough for this already on his conscious.

So it was with both guilt and reluctance that he answered, "Uhm, honestly I have no idea. Danneel kind of just runs my life, I could have her call you later, with a date and time." he suggested.

"Sure, have your people call my people." Jared joked.

"Yeah sorta I guess." Jensen answered unable to cheer himself up.

There was a moment of silence that seemed to weigh heavy between them as they both tried to figure out how to continue the conversation further. Again unwilling to let the conversation go south Jared spoke first.

"Jen... I'm glad you called." he said softly, and just like that Jensen's stomach lurched pleasantly. The unmasked vulnerability in his best friend’s voice was like a bucket of cold water reminding him why exactly it was that even after all the years and all the damage done to his heart, it still beat reverently for the man. Jensen took a moment to compose himself as several emotions threatened once again to overwhelm him.

"It was no problem Jared." he answered as emotionally distant as possible. He heard his best friend sigh and he noted that it was done out of some sort of disappointment.

"I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, bye."

Jensen hung up quickly ridding himself of the phone by pushing it across the table and tiredly buried his face in his hands.

It was like every day his life became more and more complicated, almost like his troubles were going out of their ways to outdo themselves. And his heart just kept on stretching and digging the empty cave his love for Jared created while all the while it fed the ugly monster that was content with the prospect of reconnecting with its long lost other half. If things continued in this bitter sweet downward spiral then soon enough something was going to give and explode.

"Papà, Papà!"

His daughter voice brought him back from his deep self deprecating thoughts, and began working against whatever damage his heart had procured the moment his best friend reentered his life.

Soon enough a head with long dark waves rounded the corner and before he knew it his daughter was in his arms trying to sit comfortably on his lap, already in the midst of an animated conversation.

"--and she moved things with her mind papà. Like tekenesis."

"Telekinesis." he corrected automatically, though unsure of what exactly his daughter was going on about.

"Yeah that. I want that Papà. Wouldn't it be wonderfully to have?" The little girl’s eyes shone with curiosity and wonder and Jensen's heart lifted instantly feeling much better.

"It would be wonderfully." he agreed, using his daughter’s pronunciation of the word.

Juliette's grin broadened and her dimples deepened as excitement filled her. "So I can have it?" she wondered her smile capable of rendering even the strongest of will into a puddle. Jensen could so easily hand her the world when she smiled like that. And it was even worse when she used the trade mark puppy dog eyes. He focused more on the conversation trying to latch onto whatever it was that his daughter was asking him and came up with a blank.

"Sweetie, what exactly are you asking for again?" he asked. A frown made its way onto her forehead making Jensen feel all the more guilty for allowing his thoughts to trail away.

"Papà, were you not listening to me?" she asked indignantly her disapproving look almost an exact replica of what he so often saw on his assistants face.

Jensen shook his head ashamed, he really shouldn’t allow Juliette and Danneel to spend so much time together. "I'm sorry sweetie, papà was a little away in his head." he explained.

"Well come back to me so that you can listen." she answered simply taking her tiny hands to turn her father’s face towards her so that she could hold all his attention.

Jensen smiled and couldn't resist taking little pretend bites into the crook of her neck which succeeded to dissolve the little girl into fits of giggles. Jensen let out a growl which added to Juliette's elation, and he chuckled delighted to have accomplished at least something positive in the so far dreary day.

Danneel who'd been watching from her seat at the dining table, shook her head at the father and daughter scene, a little smile playing on the corner of her lips. She was surrounded by portfolios and important papers all around her. She couldn't exactly hear what was being said in the other room but the little's girl’s delighted laughter carried throughout the house which was enough to lift up anyone's mood. And she was observant enough to know Jensen was in desperate need of that.

Ever since his last show she watched him slowly become a different person. Jensen wasn't by any means a happy go lucky guy, testament to how much they were alike was the biting comments and glares they exchanged on a daily basis. But behind the glares and indirect insults had always been a mischievous hint of playful happiness. Lately though it was dimmed by sadness, and though over the years she'd always known that Jensen carried something so heavy in his heart that it seeped through his carefully masked exterior, it had never been obvious enough to notice, as it was now.

It was rare that he spoke of his past or Juliette's other father, but Danneel was just aware enough of her friend that she knew the source of Jensen's pain had much to do with that man that not only helped father Jensen's daughter but also broke him beyond repair. And despite the fact that Jensen was so obviously still suffering from his damaged heart it was more than obvious that the man was still as much in love today, as he'd probably always been.

Danneel had quickly connected the dots after the show and realized that the man who'd shaken up Jensen enough to turn him into more of a depressive manic then the whiny bitch she was so fond off, had been Jensen's notorious best friend Jared Padelecki. She'd already suspected that whoever had second fathered Julliete, was extremely close to Jensen. And Danneel had more than once overheard sushed conversations between Jensen and his sister that always escalated to arguments over a guy named 'Jay'. The night of the show not only pointed her to the right direction with neon signs and it all but solidified her suspicions and filled in some of the blanks of she still had of Jensen's past.

Danneel never needed Jensen to confide in her or for the man to break down and cry on her shoulder, everytime his life went tits up. They had their schmoopy moments, but that was more Mac’s territory as it simply wasn't how they worked. Yes, she took digs on his personal life, but never outright enquired anything he didn't willingly volunteer or showcase. His lack of interest in any sort of relationship that wasn't somehow necessary or tied to his daughter, intrigued her, but she accepted it as a way for him to focus more on his work. So when men and women threw themselves at him, something that never ceased to make Jensen feel uncomfortable, and she was tasked to simply dig trenches around him so they could amusedly watch oversexed individuals of all class, break limbs and ego's trying to reach him. It was a source of great delight to bitch and bark with the permission of her boss. There was never a need to say thanks it was just a simple understanding of each other and how things worked. Danneel didn't nag or pressure Jensen to do anything he didn't have to do. And whenever she found out a little more about his past she kept it to herself.

It was obvious though that Jensen's past was getting to him more than it ever had before. Danneel couldn't help but worry.

\--

Jensen nervously fidgeted with the cuff of his suit jacket for what to be the umpteenth time. He was surrounded by important posh people in what had to be the most pretentious serving restaurant in L.A. The moment he'd entered the high galore building he wanted to turn around and find the nearest Pizza Hut and order the first thing on the menu. As he would have it though, as soon as the host spotted him and acquired about his reservation he knew he was a done deal. Despite a few minor setbacks, mostly caused by his unruly daughter, he had managed to get to the fancy schmancy restaurant early. The same could not be said about his companions though. They were running late, which really annoyed him since he hadn't wanted to be there in the first place. He had even arranged for Danneel to pop up sometime in the middle of dinner and spontaneously join them, something that only her curiosity pushed her to agree to.

And now he was there alone, nervous as hell, by himself waiting for his dinner companions to arrive. When he checked his watch and saw that the time was 20 minutes past the time that they had agreed to meet, and another 10 since he'd been there sipping water, he figured it was time to call it a night. He after all had no messages on his phone warning him that his dinner companions would be running late, and despite his unwillingness to come that night, the idea that he was stood up squeezed his heart painfully. He left a tip and bolted out of the restaurant, quickly he began sending a text to Danneel about the change in plans. 

Sudden anger filled him at the whole stupid situation that he just desperately wanted punch a wall or something. Was it so freaking hard to pick up a phone and cancel? He fumed as he headed back into the night air. He'd been so enwrapped in his own thoughts that he practically slammed into a wall. A big soft muscular wall. He just opened his mouth to apologize before going down when familiar hands grab onto him asking him if he was okay.

"Jensen!" the voice exclaimed both relieved and surprised. He barely had time to glare accusingly or process anything when Jared launched into a lengthy explanation about waiting outside for him and thinking he'd been stood up.

"I was inside." he manages finally when Jared has to take in some oxygen.

"Oh." Jared finally says a bit sheepish. "Sandy said you might've been but I went in and I didn't see you, and the reservation--"and

"--Isn't under the name Ackles." Jensen finished for him, feeling a bit stupid that he hadn't thought of that. Of course the reservation was under the name of his assistant. "Sorry 'bout that I guess. Where is Sandy?" he asked looking past Jared in search of the familiar short brunette.

"She went to the bathroom she'll be back any second now." Jared added with a smile.

Jensen simply nodded. After a brief moment of awkward silence that consisted mainly of Jared staring at him and Jensen avoiding eye contact, he made his getaway back inside murmuring something about not wanting to lose the table while Jared waited for Sandy. Once he got back inside he let out a heavy breath willing his head rush away. The matrè d was nice enough to have waited the curtesy of a five to ten minute waiting period before it was time to give away their table so luckily it was still available. Jensen escorted himself back to the table he'd been sitting at just a few minutes ago, needing the extra minute to collect himself. Just as he sat down and looked to the door Jared and Sandy walked in looking ever like the 'Golden Couple' they had been in High School.

Sandy was of course as gorgeous as ever in a long sleeve white dress that was cut mid-thigh, accentuated her figure, and the dress had a open back which showcased her petite but slender frame. Her beautiful long brown hair was brought back in an elegant ponytail accenting her beautiful diamond earrings. Jared stood tall and possessive next to her in a simple black suit with a skinny tie, and one arm at her waist. Jensen's stomach dropped at the sight. This was why he'd left without one glance backwards, why he kept a secret so big from his best friend. So that Jare could keep that radiant smile at his wife's side and so that Jensen didn't have to witness this every day of his life.

It firmed his resolve to not ruin things for his best friend by allowing him to get any closer than necessary to Juliette. It was best if Jared never found out about her parentage. Sandy's smile was as bright as ever as they approached the table, Jensen willed away his own feelings so that he could paste one of his own signature smile for her and Jared's sake. He courteously stood up to kiss her on the cheek and briefly hug her.

"Oh my Jen you're still as hot as ever." Sandy commented brilliantly.

"Likewise. I see married life hasn't worn you down. I was sure that Jared would've ran you haywire by now.

"Hey!" Jared said indignantly as Sandy giggled.

"He tries but I've grown mostly immune to it." she explained.

"Yeah, that kind of happens over time."

They both pretended to ignore Jared's huff at being talked about. Jensen couldn't help smiling at his best friends pout that reminded him so much of...

The thought was sobering and he shifted uncomfortably and sat down, trying not to pay much attention to his friend’s intense gaze that seemed to tune to Jensen with every shift in mood or feeling. It was almost like Jared was deliberately putting up a sensory radar taking away any sense of privacy Jensen could've had to silently freak out about all of this.

They had some small talk about work and projects as they ordered and food was brought out to them. Then the conversation switched to the dreaded topic; Kids. Jared was as ever beaming at the mention of little Padalecki's and Sandy was smiling fondly with her own glimmer in her eyes. They obviously both wanted the same thing, and Jensen's heart jolted at the painful stab the thought brought him. It was Jared who finally geared them toward the topic of Juliette, much to Jensen's dismay, and after the direct enquiry Sandy followed on her husbands tail.

"What's it like, fatherhood and all?" Sandy asked as Jensen felt his best friend’s eyes once more, focused on him. Jensen felt a little heat rise up in his cheeks as he tried to answer Sandy by keeping his own focus on her, as it was still difficult but easier then looking in Jared's direction.

"It's... It's everything you expect it to be and more. Jules' is so smart and inventive... it's sort of strange how your entire being suddenly becomes so depended on your child's happiness. I mean if I hadn't--" Jensen quickly cuts himself off before he finishes that sentence and bites into his dessert giving his mouth something to do. It just wasn't a good idea to go down any sentimental road where Juliette was concerned. At least not any that lead to more questions he just couldn't answer. A glimpse at Jared almost made him choke on his food. His eyes were narrowed in confusion and... Suspicion.

"What about her other father?" Sandy asked oblivious to the tension that was building within Jensen.

"Juliette is just mine." Jensen answered firmly.

Sandy luckily seemed to get the hint and didn't pry any further despite Jared's frustrated sigh.

"So when do we get to meet her?" Jared asks brightly causing Jensen to swallow hard and his face to scrunch up in almost a wince. "I mean at some point I'd--we'd like to meet her." Jared continued a bit more hesitantly after observing Jensen's reaction.

"Of course, once we've settled in." Jensen said although not so confidently.

"How old is she?" Sandy asked casually.

This time Jensen pointedly looks away, luckily before full sense of panic set in, he spotted Danneel walking towards their table which allowed him to let out a relieved sigh.

"Hey Danny!" he exclaimed. In tow he notices assistant number two. "and Alona." he adds enthusiastically. Danneel ‘coincidentally’ crashing their dinner was great but along with Alona they could for sure take the focus off of Jensen's daughter.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asks trying his best at sounding as nonchalant as possible.

"Oh we just decided to go on a spending spree on your tab of course." Danneel said brightly.

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Well you've met Jared, Jared you remember my main assistant Danneel and her assistant Alona, I personally like Alona because she doesn't spend as much of my money."

"I try though." Alona said smiling unapologetically while shaking Jared's hand.

"This is Jared's wife and also an old friend of mine Sandra McCoy."

After the pleasantries Danneel invited herself and Alona to sit with them, to Jensen's utter relieve. Just as he had hoped it had taken the heat off Juliette being the topic of conversation as everyone occupied themselves with getting to know one another.

Within a few minutes Jensen had loosened up enough that he was smiling and goofing off with Danneel heading the jokes. Sandy was laughing along and so was Alona, but other than a few rare smiles, Jared was pretty quiet.

After twenty minutes of little conversation from his friend, Jensen's curiosity finally won out.

"You okay there man?" he asked as the girls were deep in conversation about boutiques in LA, a topic he would happily sit out on.

Jared finally looked up enough from his food to meet his eyes and Jensen almost gasped at the vulnerability and hurt he saw in his best friends eyes.

"Not really... Can we talk for a minute? Alone?" Jared asked eying the girls before returning his gaze to Jensen.

Jensen's panic was mostly masked by worry so they excused themselves, little to the women's notice, and left the table as he followed his best friend to the terrace out back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes of continued silence Jensen asked his friend again what was wrong.

"I know what you did in there." Jared said quietly.

Jensen's eyebrows scrunched up in confusion that was not entirely feigned.

"What do you mean?"

Jared scoffed unamused, "Having your assistants drop by to be buffers?"

Jensen's eyes widened as he felt himself getting caught, but he quickly played his features to neutral once more. "Is that a problem?"

Jared looks even more hurt by the question. "Since when do we need buffers?" Jared asked almost disappointed as he rubbed his forehead frustratingly.

Jensen looked at his shoes ashamed, unable to answer the question.

"What happened to us Jen? Why are you so..." Jared trailed of mid-sentence.

Jensen's head shot up daring his friend to continue.

"Go on, say what's on your mind and don't hold back on my account."

Jared nodded jerkily, "Okay. Distant. Why are you distant? You scheme your assistants into becoming buffers, you hardly talk about anything personal, and," before he continued Jared abruptly took a step forward his hand reaching for Jensen, which made the other man flinch and take an involuntary and abrupt step back. "You flinch if I so much as touch you. And don't tell me it's not just me because you don't do it with Danneel or Sandy."

Jensen looked away miserably at how poorly he'd been masking his behavior. He shouldn’t have underestimated how much Jared would have still been attuned to him. At this rate _all_ of his secrets would spill out before he was ready. Not that he would ever really be.

"Is this about Juliette's father? Did he,"

Jared trailed off once more his tone suddenly much more gentler and Jensen nearly stopped breathing. He was expecting Jared to catch a clue at some point but he didn’t even remember that night how could he—?

"Was he abusive? Is that why you’re so closed off? 'Cause you can tell me Jen if he ever did anything to you I'll--" This time Jared cut himself off but only because Jensen let out a relieved giggle.

It wasn't funny, it really wasn't but at this point and stage of his life Jensen just _had_ to laugh, because if he didn't, then he'd have to be committed to a asylum.

"Jen are you okay?" Jared's confusion was quickly replaced by slight amusement as Jensen tried to catch his breath again. This whole thing was going to drive him insane one day but Jensen hung onto the possibility that it didn’t have to be tonight, for dear life. Jared wanted to have his kids with Sandy, _soon_. How could he even contemplate telling the man anything now.

"I'm fine Jay, really I am. And as far as Juliette's concerned she's only ever had me, so no abusive relationships." Jensen finally managed in between breaths.

Jared's shoulders instantly shagged in relieve. "Good. That's good. But I still don't get it--you."

Jensen sobered up quickly at Jared's desperate tone.

"Jared, I just--I guess having Juliette has put me more on guard with men. It's hard for me to let anyone in really." At least that part was completely truthful.

"Surely you've had someone at some point?" Jared said only mildly joking.

Jensen shook his head only somewhat embarrassed. "No. It's just me and Juliette. Always has been, and between work and making sure I'm there for her when she needs me, there hasn't been much time for anything else."

Jared's eyes had widened in shock at Jensen's statement. "Come on Jen, you can't tell me you haven't--"

"I'm someone's dad, Jared. I'm all that she has, and she's all that I need. I'm sure you'll understand that one day." Jensen said firmly. Jared still wore a look of bewilderment before shaking his head.

“Sure… so we're good?” Jared finally asked.

Jensen smiled albeit still with some reserve before he answered “yeah, we're good.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes things are better left unsaid...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Debated posting this next shorty, but I figured that, while I procrastinate on my assignment might as well edit after all!

After their dinner together, two more lunches proceeded, one with all five of them and one with just him and Jared. It had only been a month but Jensen had successfully evaded any other encounters that would lead to having to introduce his daughter to the Padalecki’s. He knew he had to distance himself if he wanted to recreate any boundaries to maintain his secret, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult to deceive his friend. He felt more and more like he was lying which was a feeling that was easier ignored when a Atlantic Ocean separated them. Now that the luxury of being a 13 hour flight away, was no longer there, Jensen felt his disingenuous to be less acceptable every minute that ticked by.

He’d made sure to beg off a few more engagements Jared tried to set up, but he inevitably got roped into meeting his friend for brunch when he left his phone unattended one late afternoon a week before they were unexpectedly scheduled to meet. Danneel had answered on his behalf and had unhelpfully indicated that Jensen had a wide open schedule for a Wednesday brunch.

Jared had been dropping him off at home after a pleasant but brief meal, when the man unexpectedly asked to use the bathroom. Jensen had momentarily panicked but had thankfully remembered that his daughter was still at school for another couple of hours so his place would be child free. He allowed Jared to enter his home and fidgeted nervously whilst the man used the bathroom.

—

Jared had not intended to try and force a meeting between him and Jensen’s daughter, but his friend’s constant evasion in having them meet, had made him more determined to create instances for this to happen. It had been hard to even pin Jensen down for a meet up with him but he has now figured out that Danneel could be his way back into Jensen’s life. Yes, it was a bit underhanded to use a Jensen’s own assistant against him but she’d been the one to finally push Jensen to have their lunches recently. He had missed his friend enough over the years to not try and salvage some of their friendship now that they were reunited.

Jared wasn’t even sure why he felt the nagging need to meet Julliete but he knew it may uncover part of why his friend had become so distant since they had reconnected. For all intents and purposes Jared felt like _he_ should’ve been the one to be a bit prissy since it was _his_ wedding that Jensen had totally ghosted. Jensen had essentially blocked him out his life without ever really giving him a reason why. It took him years to accept that his friendship with Jensen had turned into what it had been the last few years and it still hurt him deeply if he was completely honest with himself. If he could bury the hatchet then why could a Jensen not allow them to get back to where they were as friends, _before_ Paris.

He was walking back into the living room and made a wise crack about the open modern space Jensen had created in his home. He commented about wanting Jensen’s business card to recommend him to a friend of who was looking for a original painting for his house, so that it could buy him extra time to assess whether Juliette was indeed at school or not.

Naively, Jensen pulled out his wallet for that purpose, only for Jared to skillfully intervene when he caught a glimpse of young girls picture in the front clear packet or his friends wallet.

Jared quickly took the wallet out if his best friend’s hands smiling hugely at Jensen's slow reaction.

He flipped it open right in the middle to the clear pocket with the picture he’d seen, just as Jensen began reaching to get his wallet back.

He didn't really hear Jensen's pleas for his wallet or anything else for that matter as his eyes focused on the little girl displayed proudly in both of the photo pockets.

"Jay, please I..."

A little girl smiled broadly at the camera in the picture, brown wavy locks framing her small face, she was beautiful. The longer Jared stared the more familiar the face became as if he had seen her somewhere before. The girl in the picture looked like someone he had definitely seen before but how if he had never met Jensen’s daughter. Those dimples, the eyes, that little nose.

"Huh." he was entranced. It couldn't be... They didn't... But...

"She looks like me." he stated matter of factly his voice void of emotion and his eyes not leaving the picture. He was met with complete and utter silence, and that scared him more then he was willing to admit. It was all the answer he needed. In an instant his heart clenched and his stomach sank. Jared felt like his head was going to explode and at the same time it felt like nothing made sense.

"How old is she?" he couldn't even recognize his own voice anymore, the sound disembodied and distant. It seemed like a lifetime but the choked off answer couldn't be missed.

"She will be five next month."

He looked up to find his best friend in tears, and it took him a moment to register his own moist cheeks.

Jensen’s green eyes met his before his gaze moved down to his freckles. Those stupid mesmerizing yet pale splatter of freckles he didn’t allow his gaze to linger on anymore. He knew roughly when Jensen’s freckles had become an issue. When he had decided that he couldn’t focus his eyes on them anymore. It was after graduation. 

Flashes of naked hard toned chest, and rushed yet heated touches flew through his mind. It was like the dreams he’s had for years that he could never quite place, dreams he woke up from hard and aching but in complete denial, trying hard not to question his sexuality. Green eyes staring at him in lust, abandoning all senses. There was darkness and a lot of touching. Heated touches that ranged from gentle to rough. Trying to placate depthless hunger.

Then there were the freckles that he knew ran down Jensen’s back, because he definitely traced them. His hands had mapped them followed by his lips. He thought he had gone nuts and that he must’ve imagined it all.

But could it be true? If they had done what he’s had flashes of these past few years and Jensen ended up pregnant. He would've known, right? He had to have known. Jensen was with him for two months before he left for Paris, and he… Jared’s blood turned cold at the mere thought of Jensen’s last few weeks with him before he left. The evasiveness and skipping group outings, the outbursts of crying. The symptoms of flu, and being under the weather, and hating coffee. Jensen used to _love_ coffee until he one day didn’t. Fuck, how could he have been so stupid.

"It's why you never let me see her. I thought the moment wasn't right I couldn't believe you would deliberately keep her away, but you were." he said with some belated realization.

"Jay..." Jensen whispered painfully.

"Oh my God Jensen is--is she mine?"

Jensen didn't have to say anything it was more than clear in his facial expression.

"But when... I mean I thought...” his voice trailed off as he thought back to that night. The amount of shots they had and the illegal keg provided by Chad’s brother. Also the constant ache he felt at having to bid goodbye to their carefree high school days. Watching Jensen across the party with that douchebag Dylan as Sandy bid him goodnight. Jensen’s unmistakable blush at something Dylan whispered in his ear and the anger he confusingly felt. He’d drowned the anger in more shots and pretended the anger and jealousy he felt was because of Sandy’s early retreat. Most of what followed that night after Sandy left was a blur in his memory but he remember what night it was. “Graduation night." Jared finished his voice racked with emotion.

Jensen wiped some of the tears away. "You didn't say anything the next day. So... So I figured you didn't want to talk about it or that you wanted to pretend it never happened. Then I found out about a month before I had to leave. When I made it to twelve weeks I figured it was best for a clean break." Jensen explained his voice breaking at some parts and quivering in others.

“I—I didn't know, or I wasn't sure that…”

Jared took in a deep breath his breathing was becoming shallower. "I uhm... I can't--can't deal with this now... You... God I gotta get out of here." with that Jared collected his jacket and stumbled his way out of Jensen's home. Jensen didn't bother stopping him, he himself was too distraught. Jensen should've lied. He should've said that the similarities were merely a coincidence and that Juliette was four and too young to be Jared's daughter. Now it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was hard to write and I don’t I’ll ever be fully pleased with the placement of this scene in this story ... this chapter is a ‘before’ and ‘after’ moment and it was hard finding a catalyst for this moment... 
> 
> Y’all can rest at ease though, if I decide to re-write this story and this part happens differently I will leave this story be as is and repost the new version... maybe ...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginnings can be painful ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for y’all comments/kudos and staying tuned ♥️
> 
> Here is part 2 😅

\--

Jensen didn't hear back from Jared for a few days. In some ways he had been relieved. He had enough on his hand trying to acclimate Juliette to a new routine since school had begun. It seemed that it was only now that the child had let the information that they weren't going back to France, sink in. Juliette was less then pleased with the direction her future was heading but since Jensen had been trying to get her used to the idea for months now the adjusting period lasted only as long as it took for her to meet Jemma Hotchkiss, a fellow classmate who was compatible with all her likes and dislike of the things their lives revolved around.

Jensen wanted to be the kind of person that was happy with Jared's renewed absence in their lives. That way he knew once and for all that he had made the right decision nearly six years ago, when he chose to leave pregnant without anyone knowing of his predicament. That way he knew what Jared's choice would've been, and that it may not have been them. But it _hurt_. Not only for Jensen himself but for his daughter who he would spend the rest of her life protecting from the truth of being rejected.

So when the 6th day rolled around to almost mark a week since he'd heard from his former best friend, he was surprised yet deep down relieved to find Jared on his doorstep. The visit was unannounced so Jensen hadn't been able to plan Juliette's absence accordingly which meant the little girl was at home in the garden and could walk back into the living area any moment now. It was Jensen's excuse for hesitating before letting Jared in. He couldn’t deny that it was also partly because of the tenseness he observed in his former friends face and his tightened jaw which indicated an unmistakable emotion of underlining anger. He also deducted that the man wouldn’t have accepted for the preceding conversation to be postponed for a later and more convenient date.

Part of him still wanted to protest, Julliette was his priority and he didn’t want her to walk in, if things went bad between Jared and him. But just as the resolve mounted it just as quickly ebbed away. He had other places in the house where they could speak privately and fairly uninterrupted. Besides, surely Jared would’ve led with a punch if he had any intention on hitting him.

Despite this belated thought, Jensen still stepped aside apprehensively to let the man in, which made him wonder how skewed his judgement was.

He lead them both to his (and Danneel’s) office, which allowed him a view over the garden so he could both keep an eye on Julliette and also give them a head start to think of what to say if Jared was still there if or when she came looking for Jensen.

Jensen watched Jared’s gaze briefly skimmed over his office which made self-consciously look at the room from a newcomers point of view. The room had two walls that were exposed brick whilst the other two were painted a dark burgundy color. He had an array of different bookcases stacked against the wall on each side of the door, which housed mostly art literature and filing folders. There were only a few pieces of furniture that occupied the room, a black steel tanker desk which had neatly organized desk items on top of its surface. This desk stood opposite a black leather chaise sectional with an array of fall themed pillows and a comfy blanket and finally a large storage rack which housed some of his finished paintings. He had a few of these storage racks around the house but the one in the office, stored some of his finished works which needed to marked to be either shipped somewhere or sold. The room was more masculine then the other rooms in the house, with of course the exception of his own room.

After a cursory glance at the racks with his painting, Jensen watched Jared walk towards the big black framed windows where he stood just a little away from touching the slightly frosted glass, to watch as a little girl happily jumped around the garden where she had far too many things which kept her occupied on their quieter weekends. Presently, she appeared to be hosting a garden party with her favorite guests (an array of barbies, stuffed animals, his 2nd assistant/child minder Alona and an assortment of other dolls). It was hard for Jensen not to feel his heart tighten as he watched Jared looking out at mere glimpses of Julliete whilst knowing what he now knew. After a few minutes he seemed to come back to himself and Jensen dropped back to sit on the nearest available seat as Jared’s gaze turned briefly to him. The sudden look in his direction instantly made his heart race.

Jared paced for another five minutes while Jensen sat quietly on his couch with his stomach completely clenched up in anxiety and his chest aching.

"So Juliette is my daughter." it's more a statement then a question but Jensen is relieved at the break of silence so he answers.

"Yes." His hands continued to fidget on his lap, but he doesn't dare say anything so that Jared can have this moment to get everything out in the open and have whatever release he needs.

Jared nods his head jerkily in confirmation.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" the first real question and again Jared's voice is mostly devoid of emotion. Subconsciously Jensen had prepared himself for this. The difficult questions that would be asked if Jared chose to come back to see him for whatever reason. So he braced himself to answer everything as truthful as possible.

"I don’t know." it’s as truthful as he can be right now.

Jared looks up waiting for more when Jensen takes the cue and finally answers the silent question obviously on his former friends mind. Why?

"You had Sandy you were in love and had a life ahead of you. You never mentioned that night so I figured that for you it never existed," the words are still painful but Jensen tries to maintain a strong front. "Juliette never existed." Jensen finishes a tear escaping, which he quickly wipes away.

"How about Juliette doesn't she deserve to know?! Weren't you going to tell her at least?"

"I have told her. I tell her a little about you every time she asks. I wasn't going to hide anything but your identity from her until she was able to understand and handle the truth." says defensive as he angrily wipes away more stray tears.

"Look just tell me what you came here looking for because if your intention was to stir something up I rather it not be in front of my daughter." Jensen says firmly. He'd never allow his daughter to see him in the state he was in, Juliette didn't deserve to see his father upset over stupid feelings and angry ex best friends.

"You mean _our_ daughter. The one I have every right of meeting and to get to know."

Jensen feared this. Jared wanting to be involved wanting to make decisions that Jensen's made since Juliette was first born. And then what? Go on and have more children and then being only a part time father for their daughter? Of course all this could also ruin Jared's marriage. It was all too complicated.

"Have you told Sandy? Is she even okay with this? Weren't you supposed to be trying soon to have kids of your own? What will this do to your marriage? Jared do you even know what it means to be a father?" Jensen knew it wasn't fair to bombard Jared with questions as heavy as he'd been bombarded with just minutes ago, but it had to be said even as his heart broke at the crumpling features of his best friend’s face. With a heavy sigh Jared sank down on the edge of the desk across from Jensen.

"I just, I can't walk away from this no matter what." Jared said defeated yet firm.

Jensen sighed. "Okay so let's just let things stay the way they are. You can meet Juliette as my friend, even if the term isn't exactly true. This way you can get to know her without making that permanent bond where you'll most likely abandon her on the long run." it was a shitty compromise and they both knew it.

"A friend to my own daughter." Jared scoffed bitterly. "And what makes you think I'll abandon her?"

Jensen winced. "First of all you'll need to talk to Sandy. This could have a detrimental effect on your marriage, you know it can ruin everything. You we're supposed to be starting a family of your own, and when Sandy has your baby, they'll be your first priority. Just like Juliette has always been my first priority. I can't have her come in as an after thought Jared, she's too important to me."

Jared rubbed his forehead frustratingly. "I still don't like the idea. I mean Jensen, she's my daughter."

"I know but she's mine too. And this way you won't have to give up everything, and she won't have to give up anything either."

"I can't. I can't do this. Juliette is my daughter so she's my first priority now too. No matter what she comes first from now on." Jared said decidedly after a few moments. Jensen's eyes widened in surprise.

"What, you don't have to--" Jensen began abruptly on his feet, as if it could stop the very thought Jared was having.

"--Yes I do. And I want to. I'll talk to Sandy and she will have to understand. I love her and I want to continue building my life with her, but not at the cost of not being able to recognize my own daughter."

Jensen was stumped. Jared was stepping up to the father role. He was supposed to choose his life with Sandy over everything. Sandy was supposed to be the thing that was crucial for his happiness. Letting out a rough breath Jensen sank back down on the couch behind him. He covered his face with his hands.

"Jen are you... Are you okay?" Jared asked when a few minutes passed and Jensen had been rendered speechless. He detected what had to be reluctant worry.

"It doesn't matter. I uh... I'll talk to Juliette and.." Jensen stood up and began pacing around. He couldn't help the tears that began rolling down his cheeks, and before he could really stop himself, he was once more crying. It was like a stabbing pain of heart break and even scarier, _relieve_ , had been lodged right inside his throat and wanted to desperately escape in the form of a sob. He swallowed hard instead trying his damnedest to keep himself together using his harms to physically hold back what he refused to name.

He sensed Jared moving closer to him and it he was already on the precipice of how much longer he could keep himself together for. He'd always been aware of Jared.

"Jen..."

"Sometimes I wish we were just best friends like we used to be." he whispered painfully.

He felt Jared’s hands on his shoulder, and his heart began beating faster. With a squeeze and a slight nudge Jared turned Jensen around and before he knew what was happening Jensen was buried in his arms.

Jensen couldn't stop what came next. The pain from so many years ago, that he kept suppressing down alongside the _loneliness_ he had felt raising their child alone, and it all finally overflowed to the surface. He cried and sobbed in his best friends arms while everything threatened to overwhelm him.

Being alone and pregnant in a foreign country, dealing with doctor appointments and trying to keep his school work up to dot to maintain his scholarship. Having no one by his side when he first went into labor. No one at his side the first time he laid eyes on his daughter.

Even with the people who loved him at his side, it still felt like he had no one because Jared wasn’t there with him. Yes, he has made his own choices but he was 18 what the heck did he know about what he was doing. He wished he could've had at least his best friend by his side, but of course that had also been impossible or too complicated.

Jared's embrace reminded him of one they had a few years ago. Jared seemed have recalled the same memory. "This seems familiar don't you think?" he said quietly as he rubbed Jensen’s back soothingly as the full on cry fest ebbed into sniffles. It never ceased to amaze him how embarrassingly vulnerable he could be in Jared’s presence.

"I'm sorry." Jensen said his voice still low. "I was just so scared."

Jared arms wrapped tighter around Jensen. "God, Jen you should've... You should've told me. I would've--"

Jensen nudged himself out of the embrace abruptly as he quickly wiped his face clean with the only think available to him, his poor sleeves. "Exactly. You would've done something no matter how unhappy it would make you. It's the kind of guy you are." Jensen said distressed. "My daughter shouldn’t be an obligation Jay."

When Jensen met Jared's eyes there was a slight curve on his lips. He was smiling. Before he could get angry again, Jared spoke.

"She won't be. You were always part of my happiness, Jensen. Juliette is a part of you and amazingly a part of me too so by default I can't ever again be happy without her being part of my life." Jared said softly.

Jensen stared at his best friend with a bright admiring gaze. Jared’s capacity to love and care for the people around him was something that always terrified and amazed him. It was a love that was boundless but that more often then not was also wrecked by impulsivity of loving something too much too soon.

"Papà! Papà!" his daughter’s voice startled him out of his reverie. He look behind him then quickly back at Jared alarmed.

"Maybe you should--"

Jared looked down sheepish. "Yeah, I don't want to meet my daughter like this." he finished quickly though his eyes roamed eagerly to the direction of the small voice they'd heard. Before he left, Jared turned one last time towards Jensen. "Call me as soon as you've spoken to her."

As soon as the front door closed behind him Jensen let out an exhausted breath. His head was overwhelmed and he couldn't quite believe how far their conversation had gotten yet how much there was still left to say. And now Jared would be meeting their daughter. And the things he had said. How they were part of his continued happiness. It sure put a spin on things. He always knew he and Jared had a peculiar friendship, as they were always attached at the hip, but maybe it was because he actually _loved_ Jared, he just assumed Jareds feelings for him would differ on that front. This whole perspective confused him and it was something he feared both Mac and Danneel would comment conspicuously about. But Jensen refused to take Jared’s words any further then what they were probably meant as.

Besides right now he was too busy trying not to freak as he processed how vulnerable he'd gotten with Jared again. How easy it was to fall back into his best friends arm. He would have to exert more control over himself in the future, he thought to himself. Because Jared and their close friendship was a thing of the past and he couldn't afford to fall down into that rabbit hole of misery and confusion again.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to stay on this chapter longer but I finally figured it will never be perfect unfortunately :( I kept finding more things to edit but oh well..


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turning a new leaf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a break from edits for the holidays which turned to a whole January off 😅. I’m glad I’m back and thank you to everyone whose left comments and kudos and the likes! I can’t stress enough that this story really was never intended for anyone’s eyes but my own but I’m happy I decided to share it in the end 😊 happy reading!

Un-surprisingly Jensen bursts into tears the day Jared meets their daughter. Juliette's initial confusion turns into pure delight when she finds out that she has suddenly gained another dad overnight. Any moments of trepidation are quickly replaced by unadulterated glee at Jared’s ability, to lift her high enough in the air, that she feels like she is flying. For at least this once in their lives, Jared’s freakish height and ability to imitate an amusement park ride and to seemingly _be_ a kid at said amusement park, work incredibly in his favour.

Jensen knows that it probably also helps that he _had_ spoken to Juliette about Jared in the context of her “second dad”, so neither the news or even the concept of having second parent, appears consequential as far the little girl is concerned.

Jared ends up spending an entire week emersing himself in Juliette’s life and before Jensen has time to process it all Jared and Juliette are off in a world of their own clicking into the role of father and daughter so perfectly that it nearly breaks Jensen’s heart. He observes their encounters with a mixture of relief and even a minuscule amount of envy. He feels conflictingly guilty for this envy but also cannot fault Dani and his sister’s reasoning for feeling this way. He cannot completely avoid or help himself for feeling the latter as he has been a single parent to his daughter for so long now. Watching someone equal to him, in both legal rights and sense duty, take on the role is life altering.

Juliette’s easy acceptance of the new addition to her life, meant that she quickly took action in introducing Jared to her most priced possessions. From her extensive doll collection to her prettiest dresses and extensively coordinated tours around her room, which she plans for each evening. Jensen listens with fondness to his daughter’s excitement, “I am going to be showing daddy this”, and “Daddy will have a fashion show in the afternoon!” and watches by as she even brings Jared down into her little pink kitchenette for a ‘spot of tea’ after, on one of their days together. Jared plays along with her every fantasy and without faltering a beat Jensen finds him at least twice, with his long legs pushed up to his chest as he tries to cram himself into the tiny table and chair set with a happy smile on his face.

It takes a few weeks for the excitement to commence wearing off and for it replace some of the pure and unleashed happy ‘playdates’ with more routine events such as bedtime routines and school pick up and drop offs. This brings about another shift as things change again but this time slowly morphing into something more serious between their dynamic.

It’s nothing that Jared does or says even but Jensen can’t help the knot of dread and disconcertment he feels in his stomach as he begins to wonder whether there would ever reach a point in his life where he would have to give up his daughter. With each meeting Jensen can see the bond that forms between them and since he and Jared hadn’t spoken much about anything other than the logistics of meeting points and pickups he’s not even sure where they stand in terms of custody. One thing becomes clear, and that is that Jared is to become a full-time, hands on dad. This is further cemented when Jared stays over the fourth time that week, once more until the evening to put Juliette to bed alongside Jensen. It was a request by their daughter which demanded a promise from Jared to be there to put Juliette to sleep _even on school nights_.

It has now been the fifth or sixth time that Jared tells Juliette a story while Jensen waits for his daughter to fall asleep before they both kiss her goodnight. The previous nights Jared had taken off as soon as Juliette slipped into unconsciousness, but this time is the first time where the man appeared to linger. Jensen had already noted that the days where Jared would shyly watch Jensen’s night-time routine with their daughter were gone and replaced with a confident dad who knew his place in this routine. This time however Jared wandered behind awkwardly which again was something new that he had not done before. This alone made the anxiousness in the pit of Jensen’s stomach intensify. He barely manages to offer the man some tea before _he_ is the one that flees the hallway before his daughter’s ajar door, to make his way to the comfort of his kitchen where he could focus on doing something that was not observing the man before him. Of course, the offer of tea meant that Jared was on his tail and joined him soon after in the kitchen.

“I know we haven’t spoken about Sandy and all, but I kind of just wanted to focus on being there for Juliette and showing you that I can do this’ being a dad’ thing before we talked about anything else.” Jared rushes out when Jensen has just filled and turned to put the kettle on.

He lets out a sigh in preparation to face the conversation ahead before he answers. “For the record, I never doubted you wouldn’t be an amazing father, I just wasn’t sure how it was going to work around your life with Sandy.” He added truthfully.

Jared seemed to breathe out his own sign of relieve. “Well, that’s good at least.”

There was a moment of awkward silence where Jensen took out cups, sugar and all the makes for the tea, in a failed attempt to distract himself.

“How is she taking all this though?” Jensen asks biting the bullet after the silence appeared to continue for a bit longer than he was comfortable with. His bottom lip immediately began being gnawed by his teeth, in worry.

“As well as can be expected. I guess this all seemed to confirm a long-time suspicion that she’d always had about us? She seems to think we were always way too close.” Jared says with a confused expression fixed on his features. The snort is out before Jensen can stop it and he only just stops himself short from commenting ‘no shit’. His reaction however is enough to warrant a response from Jared even as he quickly tries to compose his reaction.

“Seems like you have an opinion on this, don't hold back on my account.” Jared responds a teasing note to his voice although simultaneously sounding unmistakably serious.

“Well, you can't deny we were maybe a little _too_ attached at the hip.” Jensen has never been one to back of from any challenge in Jared’s tone so the words are ones that forces out uncomfortably, but not with a lot of thought.

“Oh come on, we did stuff apart all the time.” Jared brushed off.

Jensen stared at his former best friend disbelievingly. He knew Jared had a touch of obliviousness and naiveness, but to be so unaware of their unorthodox friendship, shocked him.

“We had obligations to our different interests, but we customarily always began and ended our days together. I hadn't been on a holiday without you since our 6th grade Florida debacle. I don't even remember the last time we were apart for more then two days before I left for Paris. Our friendship was anything but typical.” Jensen answered noted incredulously.

He would never be able to erase the distinct memory of being 11 and completely and entirely despondent whilst in Florida on of their first big family holiday. His first day at the hotel had been filled with wonder and excitement about the new adventure the holiday would bring. Despite always being curious about visiting different places in the world, a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach and an unexplained wariness always kept him content at home where he and Jared would spend days in and out of the pool or at the mall during their summer’s. When his family had suggested a trip to Florida after both his parents finally managed to save enough money and get time of work for the four of them to go on a proper holiday, Jensen hesitated at the opportunity. Excitement had bubbled up within him but as he thought about the prospect of not seeing his best friend for three _whole_ weeks, he grew more disconcerted about whether he actually wanted to go. His concerns were met with insistence that they needed some family time and Jared would be there when they returned.

The first day in Florida had breezed by, however the second and third days, set off an emotional rollercoaster Jensen could never forget. He quickly realised after the first day that whenever he went to turn around and point something out to Jared, his friend simply was not there which made any feelings of excitement turn sharply into disappointment at being unable to really enjoy his time. At first when he began declining participating in activities, his parents had blamed ‘preteen boredom’. When it became apparent Jensen was not enjoying anything anymore and began asking for his friend with more and more frequency his parents assumed, he would get over it and he did try. Nothing was enjoyable though not even their eventual visits to the amusement park.

After the first week had concluded Jensen had had just about enough of the humid atmosphere and craved to be back home where he could see his friend and spend his nights eating and laughing so much until one of them eventually threw up. It wasn't until he had lost his appetite that his parents grew concerned. Jensen is still not sure whether it was because his parents wanted to just enjoy what would've ended up being their longest and most lavish (by modest middle-class standards) family holiday, or if it was the fact that they took Jensen’s withdrawal serious, but a few details were ironed out once their first week ended. On the 9th day of their holiday Jared had arrived in Florida after being put on a plane by his parents. Jensen could never be able to relate in words the knot of relieve that unwinded within him when he finally saw his friend after being more then a week apart. The rest of the holiday flew by so quickly that Jensen became reluctant to actually leave in the end. Since that holiday though, they'd did everything together, their parents foregoing even the thought of not including one of the boys in all their plans.

The mention of Florida must have struck a chord within Jared as he jolted a bit in surprise at this recollection. It must have never dawned on Jared how co-dependent Jensen at least had been, to their friendship. Inwardly Jensen scoffed in mock surprise. Of course, Jared had never thought of them in that same context of co-dependency. Even years later, Jared only ever equated their friendship as one similar to that of brothers where there was a possibility of eventually growing alongside one another but still apart, with each of them still having a separate life. Probably never even dawned on his former best friend that their ‘friendship’ would never have had a peaceful resolution, because their close attachment had been exactly what had nourished Jensen’s eventual love.

“Yeah… uhm yeah now that I think about it.” Jared response comes with a look of real concentration and more then anything confusion. He appears deep in thought and although Jensen wished he had the kind of patience still, to wait for his friend to have the same epiphanies he has been privy to due to his unrequited love, but he knows better now 15 years on. Jensen knew it was mostly _him_ that had sought out Jared in the past and that it did not really matter if Jared hated it just as much as he did, when Jensen made friends of his own outside their little 2-man bubble. Jealousy in friendships apparently wasn’t entirely uncommon. It also did not matter if Jared’s mom had fretted and commented about ‘conjoined twins’ as much and as many times as his own mama, that was just a matter Jared would have to self-reflect on in his own time. Making time for teas was resolutely forgotten and lieu of the headache this little trip down memory lane caused him and he became eager for some time to ‘detach’ again.

“It’s getting late and you should probably get back to Sandy. I think this is all more then enough for her to handle, as things are, so you should spend as much of your time with her as you can.” Jensen advised quietly. The words stung the back of his throat as they left his lips and he could barely pull himself together enough to maintain the façade that his life had become.

After Jared continued to scrutinise him for a few seconds longer, much longer than Jensen was really comfortable with, the man seemed to finally relent.

“Yeah, you're probably right.” His friend nodded eventually. Jensen walked him out and the tension in his shoulder did ebb away until, Jared had been gone for a full five minutes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling in can be hard for anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had a busy weekend with edits so here is more!

It's hard. That's the only thing Jensen tries not to linger too long on, as the months pass by. But sometimes he can’t stop himself from wallowing masochistically in the knowledge and pondering of how things were straight up _hard_ sometimes. 

His daughter appears to have grown into a full expectancy of having her 2nd father present whenever she deemed it necessary. Be it for brushing her teeth (“Daddy sings the toothbrush song.”) or her piano lessons. (“Papa you're not playing it like daddy does.”) it takes an enormous amount of patience, on Jensens behalf, not to rain on his daughter’s parade with a few harsh truths about her _daddy’s_ tone deafness. The giant man could not carry a tune to safe his life, so how _good_ could his rendition of Twinkle Little Star, really be?!

The hardest part on some days, is just recognising the reality that Jared has so easily slipped into an irreplaceable presence in their daughters’ life. Even grandpa and grandma seemed to have relegated to 3rd place in his daughters hierarchy of loved ones and sometimes he feels like even he is competing for the first place when he is not being traded in for Dora at least. This is something that has never happened before but is now a real factor to consider. They are just few months into this informal parenting arrangement and Jensen finds the overnight pending visits to be the ones that are disconcerting him the most. It has been something they have discussed and tried but have once again been looming as time passes.

The first night he sent Juliette for an overnight visit still brings a knot to the pit of his stomach when he thinks about it. It brings him a sick sort of joy that Jared had not been much better off as Jensen’s absence was finally noticed when around bedtime he had not been around to give his daughter her customary goodnight kiss. From what he was told, his daughter had gone quiet around an hour before bedtime. Preparations were carried out as cheerful as they were used to from their many day time visits after school and in the weekends. The new disconcerting quietness lasted until Jared had Juliette settled into her room at Jared’s place. Julliette had turned to look worryingly around the room for her papá and then the protruding lip that turned to quiet sobs when she finally realised he was not around led to 40 minutes of frantic phone calls as they tried to figure out whether it was wise or not for Jensen to come over and soothe their daughter. Jensen had been strong and had argued that things would never progress if he allowed his daughter to have her way. It hurt to relinquish the role he’d held for so long by himself, but he knew he had to. Finally, they had agreed on Skyping which only temporarily abated their daughter until she had finally fell asleep quietly sniffling in Jared’s arms and an iPad with Jensen's profile quietly murmuring her bed time story on their lap. The heartbreakingly grateful look on Jared’s face was enough to have Jensen’s heart speed up, and he quickly ended the call when he knew his daughter was going to remain in her deep slumber. Eventually they were going to have to arrange another sleep over and there was barely anything that could abate Jensen’s nerves about it.

Sandy was another matter that Jared and he, barely addressed. Jensen had yet to speak to Jared regarding where she stood in terms of their daughters’ life and what role she was comfortable taking. The one-time Jensen had bravely broached the subject Jared had tensed up as he wore an unhappy frown. “She's coping, just needs some time.” He had said curtly, when he had enquired about her well-being. Jensen had barely mounted up the courage to ask Jared that one time and after the answer he received he was wary about ever bringing the subject up again. In this matter at least, he was happy to follow Dani and Macs lead in allowing the relationships amongst them to form organically once everyone found and comfortable in their groove. As long as things were not impacting Julliette’s well-being, was all that really mattered to him.

The topic of relationships and step=parents did shed a light to his own situation though. Finally, he began thinking about his own relationship status and his daughter had brought the point home with her own comment one afternoon as they sat having tea and a gossip session about her doll Clarissa’s wardrobe malfunction during playtime.

“Daddy lives with Miss Sandy.” His daughter says out of the blue while adding imaginary sugar to her tea. Jensen only hums in agreement sipping from his own teacup, apprehensive of the turn the conversation suddenly had suddenly taken. “Daddy says it's cause they are married. Are you married too papá?” His daughter questions with a sweet innocence and a confused frown. Jensen swallows hard.

“No I'm not sweetie.” He says carefully.

“Why not?”

And that's a fair question and although he had been asked this before, he had never been asked this by his daughter. It hurt even more now that his daughter had a proper framework of what a family unit in her life could look like. Although he had been taken by the question, he had replied, “you only marry someone when you love them so much that you can’t live without them.”

His daughter appeared placated with this answer but Jensen has lingering thoughts of the brief conversation, for an indefinite amount of time afterwards.

He suddenly felt himself feeling stuck in time when suddenly his whole life seemed to be propelling forward without him and this began making him feel insecure. Before he’d had the excuse of being a single dad and simple not having time or the inclination to spend time away from his daughter. Now however his parenting work load was significantly lighter and although he still officially retained full custody of Juliette it was just a matter of time before that officially became shared custody. So he could theoretically pursue a romantic relationship. It wasn’t long before that the question arose again this time as just the two of them finished her bedtime story.

“Will you have a big wedding papa?” His daughter asked somewhat tiredly. With no little amount trepidation he answered,

“I can’t see why not, but only once I find someone I can marry pumpkin.”

He thought it was a fairly safe answer until she enquired again, “When will that be?”

Jensen tried his best not to physically look around for either his assistants or his sister as the question felt orchestrated. They had however just read one of the many princess books Julliette adored and this had again featured a happy ending with white ball gown and all.

“That’s difficult to tell right now because I enjoy how things are now in my life.” He hesitantly replied that day.

“But you will marry someone one day?” Her eyes widened in excitement as she moved away from her comfortable position and into her fathers arms.

“Yes I guess I will.”

“Can I be the flower girl?” Juliette asked her father her eyes bright with the possibilities of a new dress.

“Of course you can.” Jensen said kissing his daughter’s cheek as she climbed onto his lap. She immediately bubbled with excitement and in that moment Jensen promised himself he would make an actual attempt at finding someone.

\--

Their daughter catches the flu the first full weekend she spends at Jared’s. It's the first time that they revisit overnight visits or longer then a single night and this was only after the last and only time, and Jensen has no idea what had overcome him when he let Juliette go with Jared after she’d had an almost entirely too quiet Friday. It was out of the ordinary for his daughter to be as quiet as she had been and he had foolishly assumed it had been the prospect of spending the weekend at her dads. He figured she would cheer up once she was at Jared’s and they’d probably end up the rest of the weekend eating junk food and playing endlessly. However, when Jared made the call that Jensen was expecting to be a call that ended with him on Skype reading to Juliette, it phone conversation instead began with a panicked Jared.

Before the phone call is even 30 seconds in with Jared still mid-explanation, Jensen is grabbing his car keys and heading towards Jared’s house. When he gets to the front door he has barely enough sense in him to admire the mini McMansion, and when Sandy is the one to answer the door Jensen can barely stop his heart from beating any faster. Even the little jump his heart makes at being face to face with Jared’s wife barely registers with him. He also tries not to feel guilty for immediately taking his daughter out of Jared’s arms as soon as he walks into the room and hears the quiet sniffles. Somehow in her fever addled mind Juliette can still register that her father is finally with her and her sniffles abide to a content but uncomfortable whimper and Jensen immediately begins soothing her pain with kisses and caring gestures. It takes a few minutes for him to come back to reality and the situation he finds himself in. The full extent of where he is, hits him as soon as he assessed that his daughter is okay despite feeling unwell. When he meets Jared's eyes he's not sure what to expect, especially not after just plucking Juliette out of his arms but he is both soothed and disconcerted by the look of pure unadulterated relief and a tinge of happiness he sees in his friend. He can finally acknowledge how hard this must all be for Jared, being a new dad and having Juliette go sick on him the first real weekend he was meant to have her. He can't dwell too long on that, at that very moment, when his daughter’s well being is at the forefront of his mind.

“Do you know how long she's had a fever?” Jensen asks in a low tone to make sure not to jar Juliette whose limbs are holding him as tightly as they can in her weakened state.

“Uhm I think about an hour or more. Shit I was just putting her down when she suddenly said that she wasn't feeling well and before I know it she threw up and when I went to check she was burning up. God Jen I'm so sorry I should've known I just—“

As Jared is getting ready to berate himself Jensen halts him not wanting the man to give himself 2nd degree before his daughter is at least tended to first. Although it did not, and would never ease his nerve, children did get sick and it was an unfortunate and stressful experience for any parent.

“Don't worry Jared. I should've paid closer attention to her quietness earlier today. Have you tried giving her anything?” Is his next question. At another look of utter self deprecation Jensen already realises that Jared hadn't thought that ahead so before he even answers he directs Jared to the bag he prepared for Juliette.

“I made sure there was a small bag with toiletries including a thermometer and baby Tylenol just in case.” He said as the man frantically dug through Juliette’s small bag. When he comes up empty handed with a look of panic he's already on the move towards the bathroom and Jensen finds himself alone in what appeared to be Juliette’s room. It’s a cute set up and features mostly similar furniture and toy set up that Juliette had at Jensen’s place, and he realises Jared must've done it purposely to make Juliette feel at home.

There seemed to be a few things that were definitely just like Jared to get for their daughter like the life sized kitchen for toddlers with all the makes and a set up for a mini grocery store. His daughter must love that section to play pretend, he thinks to himself fondly. He's taking in minor details still holding onto his daughter when someone by the door clears their throat. He stills when he realises he completely forgot about Sandy who was still there probably looking into the panicked scene of Jensen and Jared and their daughter.

“Is there anything I can get for her?” She asks voice low with concern. Jensen isn't sure what he was expecting, perhaps a tone laced with resentment, but for some reason he detects none of it in Sandy’s tone. But that could be his daughters unwell figure acting like a shield for any bad thoughts.

“Maybe some water and a teaspoon so that we can mix the medicine.” He answers quietly. With that Sandy leaves the room and Jensen breathes sigh of relief just as Jared comes back triumphantly holding the box of Tylenol for kids. Jensen sits himself down with his daughter and her arms have released some tension and are now hanging loosely around his neck. She appears to be asleep and Jensen hates that he's going to have to wake her up. When Sandy comes back she and Jared prepare the medication as Jensen instructs them whilst soothing his daughter back to consciousness so that he can start making her drink the concoction. It's a slow process that features a fussy and tired five-year old, and when she's finally had enough to satisfy Jensen she's back to lying on top of him pretty much burying herself as close to him as she can.

With his daughter at least having taken something, he can finally begin to relax even though he knew from experience this was just the beginning of a few difficult days. Trying hard not to directly look in their direction, he notices in his peripheral that Sandy is standing behind Jared both hands on his shoulder and Jared has one of her hands in his grip, and he’s soothing it worryingly both of them offering the other, silent support. Suddenly he feels the weight of their presence. He's in their territory and that sets him on edge as he will find it hard to escape, especially not with Juliette in tow. His daughter was best left to rest at least for a little while longer and Jensen doesn’t want to leave without her.

“I’m just gonna let her fever go down a bit before we head out.”

Jared frowns but nods in agreement. Clearly he is not happy with the idea but thankfully he doesn't voice his opinion. All three of them remain in the room for a short while before Jared murmurs gently to Sandy that she should get some sleep as she had early call the next morning. Reluctantly she leaves although not without kissing Jared’s cheek. Jared and Jensen remain with Juliette silently for an hour before he begs of that its best for Juliette to wake up in a familiar place the next day. Jared again consents and insists on driving them both back.

—

They are at Juliette’s door both of them watching their daughter as she slumbers deeply. It’s a while before they move and it’s even longer before Jared gathers any sense of propriety and heads out the door. Before he does he extracts a promise from Jensen to contact him if there were any changes to their daughters well being.

\--


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The turmoils of change...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay some more edits done!
> 
> None of this will be perfect guys even as I double check the writing as much as I can but trying my best not to linger too much on edits as we might be here another year otherwise 😅

The next day Jared meets him at the doctors office. They both got there with plenty of time to spare probably equally as anxious to have their daughter checked up. Jensen had been there a few times before to get his daughter registered and for general check ups as well as right before she started school, so he's gotten most of the procedural paperwork out of the way. He belatedly realised he should've probably walked Jared through all of it but figured he could explain the process to him at a better time.

The thought is one of many that rush through his head, because he suddenly feels incredibly self-conscious underneath all of his worries. He’d only ever been to the paediatricians by himself or with Dani in tow. Certainly never with another man in tow so he receives a few curious gazes from the two receptionists he’s been friendly with before. He’s too anxious to really meet their gazes completely, especially given that it’s Jared who is carrying Juliette around and she has still feeling groggy and sick, but the similarity between her features and Jared’s appearance are hard to explain away when they are this close together.

They were called in shortly before their appointment was due and Jensen gently jostled his daughter awake and carefully takes her from Jared to make a feeble attempt to get her as alert as possible for the appointment. He ultimately opted to carry her to the examination room when she protested about having to walk for herself. Jared trailed behind them seemingly as anxious as Jensen felt.

“Jensen, I’d say it's good to see you two but considering the circumstances I'll refrain.” Dr. Amell says with a gentle smile once they’ve entered examination room. A look of surprise graces his features as the doctor takes in Jared’s presence, with only his previous knowledge that Jensen had mentioned before that he was a single parent.

“Hey Stephen.” Jensen said with a soft smile in return. Dr. Steven Amell was a handsome man he was tall (although not as tall as Jared) and he had dark brown hair and the bluest eyes with just a hint of green. The man also had a good build and from their conversations and his chosen profession, he appeared to be kind and polite. When Dani had accompanied him during one of their visits, she’d sworn the doctor was _into_ him, but Jensen had become so out of tune with catching on to these indications, that he could not for certain say if this was the case.

Dr. Amell gently coaxed Juliette from Jensen’s arms whilst he simultaneously felt her forehead for a fever, and Jensen added a grateful thanks from the sudden reprieve, his cheeks warming at the doctors proximity especially considering Jared’s presence right behind him. His own reaction caught him by surprise as he had never been shy before. He had previously found the doctor charming but he had never given it much thought beyond that observation. With Jared in the room, it suddenly appeared that the simple doctors visit to check his daughter’s health, had become a lot more loaded with tension. 

“Our little Jules seems to be feeling pretty unwell it seems.” The doctor declared as he gently got the little girl to sit up on the examination table and whipped out an ear thermometer out of what appeared to be thin air.

“Dr. Smile.” The little girl whispered with a small smile as she finally found some renewed energy.

“How are you little bug, not feeling so well are you?” The doctor said gently as he went through the usual of checking her lymph nodes after taking her temperature.

The little girl shook her head pulling back some of her soft brown curls which were in a bit of disarray and obstructing some of her view.

“Well, I'll try my best to help you out today.” The doctor said smiling disarmingly and putting the little girl at ease. “So, how's school.” He asked distracting the girl from the exam as her father stood close by.

“Going good. Jemma is my best friends name.” The girl said. “I’ve got my daddy now too!” The girl said excitedly realising she hadn't told the doctor yet of that new development.

“Is that right?” The doctor said with a smile not allowing the disappointment to show although he appeared to have expected the other man to have been the girl's father considering the similar appearance.

“Gawsh sorry Stephen, this is Jared. He's uh, he's Juliette’s dad. Jared this is Dr. Stephen Amell.” Jensen said awkwardly making the introductions as a blush once more appearing high on his cheeks. He briefly met Jared's eyes, which gazed back at him with some discernment of either the awkward introduction or Jensen’s sudden shyness. This made him quickly avert his eyes again.

Stephen took a quick step away from Juliette to shake Jared's hand. “Nice to meet you Jared.” He said unsubtly noting that Jared had a wedding ring whilst Jensen clearly did not. The taller man seemed to have notice the assessment of his not quite bare left hand and self-consciously tucked both his hands in his pockets. It was becoming quite evident to Jared what Dr. Amell’s intentions were towards Jensen and he wasn't sure if he liked it.

Jared responded with ‘likewise’ before his attention reverted back to his daughter.

“So, do you know if it's just the flu that she's got?” Jared asks inching closer to his daughter and thereby also moving slightly in between the doctor and Jensen.

“Her lymph nodes are a bit swollen, so it looks like she's got an infection. It should not be anything too concerning but I will prescribe her some antibiotics to fight the infection and run some blood tests just to be sure nothing else is going on. She's a strong little girl, but she definitely will need some rest and something to bring down her fever.” Dr. Amell answered.

“Daddy?” The small voice whimpered as soon as she was able to make out the word ‘blood’. In less then a few seconds Jared had scooped up their daughter back into his arms while Jensen looked on at the pair with both fondness and worry. He also felt a sadness that was hard to describe. Stephen called in one of the nurses who would help draw blood whilst Jared hovered protectively, and Jensen tried to calm the unrest he felt as he knew it would only alarm his daughter.

As soon as blood was drawn with a quiet whimper from Juliette she was once more scooped up by her dad who held the lollipop she was offered by the nurse. Jensen was just able to relax again when Stephen cleared his throat and signalled Jensen to join him to his adjoining office which he followed to do.

Once out of earshot Stephen raised his eyebrow in surprise. Jensen would not say they were familiar enough to consider one another close friends but he had chatted enough with the man to have made a pleasant friendship and they were clearly on a first name basis. Jensen was also mindful of the fact that he had previously made it clear that Jared was not in the picture when they had met before. Showing up with Juliette’s ‘daddy’ in tow must have thrown Stephen for a loop, so he knew what the raised eyebrow entailed.

“Will you believe that we just bumped into each other and leave it at that?” Jensen asked hopeful. Stephen just gave him another look and Jensen sighed. “He didn't know. About Juliette. I told him recently and he's sticking around it seems.” An unmissable look of slight disappointment graced the young doctors’ features. “And so is his _wife_.” Jensen answered meaningfully before he could stop himself. He hadn’t intended to make that clarification but something about the man before him, piqued his interest. Stephen had always been kind and polite and he had been brilliant with Juliette from the very first moment they met. Jensen was also not completely oblivious, and now that he was paying closer attention he could see that Stephen indeed appeared to be interested in him. He could also trust that Danneel couldn’t have been completely wrong about how the man had made it clear in their previous encounters that he was very much interested in pursuing a relationship with him.

Jensen was still unsure about dating around but seeing the doctors complexion appear brighter, after Jensen disclosed the extra titbit of information, made him blush. This was made even worse when he gave Jensen a disarming smile that made his stomach do a small somersault.

“If you continue to blush like that, I might be tempted to ask you out again.” Stephen answered longingly hope still alight in his eyes. Jensen stared back still a bit shocked that this handsome doctor was not only interested in him but that he cared enough to respectfully wait months to gently pursue Jensen.

He vaguely recalls how Stephen had first asked him for coffee, but that it was at his second check up with Juliette. At the time Danneel had accompanied them and being a sucker for stirring up any hopeful desires in attractive men, just to watch Jensen swat them away, Danneel had been on the prowl for entertainment. So, she had hinted at Jensen’s single-hood and Stephen, had innocently taken the bate eagerly. Jensen had been preoccupied with familiarising himself with the healthcare side of his visit, so he hadn’t registered what was to come ahead until he was face to face with eager eyes waiting for his response to the coffee date. At the time he hadn’t been contemplating starting a relationship, so he had politely and kindly declined.

Things were different now with Jared being in the picture as well as his daughters comment still lingering in his mind. Jensen didn’t see the harm in putting himself out there anymore. He had been coming to the realisation that the prospect of spending his life alone, felt silly and dramatic especially if it was only driven by the fear of how his first love did not work out. With this in mind, Jensen took caution to the wind when he answered, “I might take you up on it.” This caused the doctor to smile back happily.

“So does that mean I can call you finally, for an actual date?” Stephen asked hesitatingly happy as he reached behind his neck nervously. Jensen nodded shyly even as his own neck began to itch and heating up. Stephen had suddenly gravitated closer. Jensen looked up and met Stephen’s smile and this made him feel a warm comfortable feeling in his guts again.

This was all the things he missed out on when was constantly worrying about his daughter and Jared. It felt nice knowing that even though is concern for his daughter would never dissipate, he could relax enough knowing that Jared would love and take care of her as much as he himself would. He loved his family and as much love and adoration they offered their niece or granddaughter, there was just always a part of him that thought that only a parent would feel what Jensen felt towards caring his child. There seemed to always be an innate and core worry that instinctively flared up at the sign of anything going wrong with Juliette. He trusted that Jared would feel this same care and concern if he wasn't there already with his parental instinct. Jared and Juliette would form a unique bond between parent and child that only Jensen himself could compare to.

With this thought he finally felt a coil unwind inside him. His relationship/friendship with Jared might never be completely okay but knowing that at least the man would be there to care for their daughter just as Jensen would, eased his heart. No one would probably ever know him as well as Jared so he could safely say that Jared would always take his wishes and concerns into account.

He took a step closer to Stephen and finally answered. “Yeah. I'll look forward to it.” And with that encouragement the man leaned over and kissed his cheek and Jensen thought for a second that this felt both right and wrong. He had never felt anything more than mild attraction for another man. There had always been Jared who he could picture being intimate with, so this feeling and this whole dating thing with Stephen was making him feel all kinds of new stuff.

“Awesome.” The doctor said. He took a step back again from Jensen, not wanting to overwhelm the guy with anymore then the quick peck on the cheek that he couldn't help himself from stealing. He went to reach for some notepads on his desk and quickly wrote a few things down, before turning back to Jensen. He handed him two different pieces of paper. “There is a prescription for Juliette it’s the antibiotics and something to keep her fever down.” He began with a subdued tone of concern for his daughter. “The second one is my mobile number.” He said with a broad smile. “I know Danneel jumped the gun last time with giving me her number and yours but thought I'd make it official.” He said sheepishly.

“She did what?!” Jensen asked surprised. Although he really should not so be so surprised with how Danneel had mentioned the man several times in passing over the last few months.

“I guess she was just as eager as I was, for you to agree on a date.” Stephen said soothing Jensen with a gentle pat to his arm. Jensen once more blushed prettily and Stephen groaned almost painfully. Jensen just looked on confused. “When you blush like that it takes all my will power not to ravish you right here over my desk.” He admitted honestly. Jensen’s face heated up some more although a note of alarm unmistakably appeared alongside another blush. “Don't worry we’re taking this as slow as you want. This is for keeps.” Stephen said reassuringly. And Jensen let a small sigh of release before he smiled back.

“Jen are you ready?” Jared’s voice suddenly interrupted, and for a second Jensen felt like he would trip and fall despite being completely stationary and steady on his feet. He still internally floundered at Jared’s sudden presence in the room. He was holding onto the prescription and the phone number and Stephen had just dropped his hand which had still been warm and reassuring on his arm, something Jensen belatedly took note of. He couldn’t make sense of the feelings of guilt he suddenly felt, like he’d been caught cheating, and Jensen felt like an idiot for lingering on that feeling for longer then a second.

“Yeah, all done.” He said in Jared's general direction unable to really meet the man’s eyes. He awkwardly looked back towards Stephen who still wore a content smile.

“I'll give you a call in a few days for the results and to check up on Juliette. And as long as everything is good, we can also then make plans.” Stephen said in a low voice although not quite a whisper, it was clearly meant for Jensen’s ears only. Jensen just nodded a small smile still playing on his lips despite his nerves which were still on edge with Jared's presence. The man was like a bucket of ice-cold water, with his imposing height just scrutinising the interactions before him.

They awkwardly waved goodbye before Jensen followed Jared and his daughter out the building.

“If you don't mind, I’d like to follow you guys home so I can be there a bit longer for Juliette.” Jared said as Jensen took Juliette out of Jared’s arms to settle her into her car seat. Jensen frowned.

“I would appreciate that and I'm sure Juliette will feel better with you around, but don't you have plans with Sandy?” Jensen asked warily, he was sure he had heard Jared mention some plans before.

“She will understand that this is important.” Jared said firmly. Jensen knew not to push as this was a boundary he regretted pushing before but his hands itched with nervous abandon. As time was passing and Jared’s involvement with Juliette increased, it was also looking more and more like Jared was playing dangerously with his marriage. He didn't miss the unmistakable tension Jared had been in when he asked about Sandy before, so he was reluctant to say anything. This was not the first however that he had witnessed Jared dismiss plans with Sandy.

Sandy had seemed supportive when she helped Jared through his worried and panicked state the night before, she had been there for him the moment he had called for Sandy to help. But Jensen could imagine how difficult this situation must be for her and he felt like Jared had to help Sandy feel included in his life with their daughter and having consideration for plans they had made, went with that. Juliette was sick and it was understandable for Jared to want to be there and his presence would be missed if he wasn't, but there wasn't anything more that could be done for Juliette right now that Jensen could not handle himself. Jensen would administer her medication and sooth her when needed but the little girl would most likely sleep through most of the sickness or lie on the couch with him watching cartoon shows. 

Maybe it was that Jensen was used to doing that all on his own by now, but it was hard for him to justify having Jared around for what he pictured their afternoon and evening would look like, whilst his wife remained by herself with cancelled plans. It made Jensen feel like he was taking part in slowly ruining what he had for so long tried to preserve. Jared's happiness with his wife and their perfect planned out future. It was this thought that pushed him to speak, regardless of his own trepidations on the subject. He did not want for him or his daughter’s existence, to be a point of resentment if Jared’s marriage went through any further strive.

“I am sure she _will_ understand, because Sandy loves you and I'm sure she cares that Juliette is fine as well.” He began, trying not to push for more but unable to help himself. “But does she really have to be okay with you cancelling when I’ve got everything covered? Juliette is sick and that can't be helped but she is perfectly fine in my hands. What will be going on for the next few days is her sleeping and watching television until she feels well enough to do stuff again and I'm sure you will be there everyday to check up on her. But you can't continue to cancel plans with Sandy to be with Juliette every minute or every time that she's sick.” Jensen explained as best he could. He could see Jared’s brooding and stormy expression; it was a look he was familiar with but had hardly ever been on the end of. He knew now that he needed to defuse a bomb before Jared misconstrued him and set off.

“Just hear me out. Eventually Juliette will be spending a lot more time with you and every other weekend will become a regular thing and I've already thought about what all this will mean. We both will have to let go a little and if she happens to get sick on your turf God forbid, I’ll be the one to come and check on her to make sure she's alright regularly. So next time if this happens and if she’s staying with you, I’ll work hard on letting go of the reigns and let you handle things.” Jensen quickly rushed his words as they had been running through his mind for some time now. “We can’t both be present for her all the time because she will start having that expectation and that’s not how things will continue to be in the future.” Jensen explained, the knot in his stomach re-appeared once more and it was difficult for Jensen not to allow his emotions get the best of him. The formal custody arrangements that lay ahead of them, were ideas he had already begun conceptualising but putting them to words made it all the more real. 

After taking a deep breath and carefully watching Jared’s reaction he continued. “It will be good for us to set some boundaries about this now so that those lines don’t get blurred when we reach that point in sharing custody.”

“What if she chooses to stay with you every-time she gets sick Jensen. I want her to get used to me being there to sooth her aches and pains.” Jared interrupted frustratingly.

“And she will be turning to you Jared. She already reaches out for you when she is ill and I can't believe you haven't noticed how indispensable you've already become to her. Jared, she loves you so much already.” Jensen said voice laced with both pain and comprehension. “What we’re building right now is shared custody for our daughter and that means that one of us won't be present for every single moment of her life. No matter how difficult this will be we need to accept and adhere to that. And we need to respect your plans with your wife.” Jensen said firmly.

“You can't just boss me around in my own marriage Jen.” Jared replied disgruntled after a moment of silence.

“I will try to never interfere again as long as it doesn't involve our daughter. I just—“ Jensen swallowed hard. “I don't want us to be the thing that breaks your marriage.” He finished as he quickly and painstakingly looked away. Jensen felt drained. The whole conversation he had just had and the realisations his own words brought him paired with the newness of the leaf they were turning, were all propelling him into an emotional turmoil. He just knew in his heart that it would always be his priority to minimise the damage he’d already caused to Jared and his future. He just hoped it wasn’t all too late. 

Jared sighed in comprehension. “You won't be I promise.” Jared concluded firmly.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah ... so prepare for some angst next two or so chapters but don’t stress too much I think I got tired of it pretty quick 😂😅


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healed broken hearts, can break again ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another one ☝🏽!

A few days after Juliette is officially declared bug/infection free Jensen agrees to a date with Stephen. Before Jensen is really aware of the passage of time, a few dates turn into over a month of dating and he tentatively has started considering the steadiness of their relationship to be morphing into something more serious. There were a few times in that week alone, where both his sister and Dani had referred to Stephen as his _boyfriend_ which was a thought he could barely fully process.

It was a regular Wednesday morning and he found himself deep within his thoughts thinking about this very fact, as he took care of the dishes from Juliette’s breakfast. Stephen had been sweet and a complete gentleman, on each one of their dates and their relationship had started slowly flourishing and expanding into other areas of their lives.

Jensen had already briefly seen the doctor’s apartment when they had made a pit stop to relief the dog sitter who had been taking care of the man’s Australian shepherd named Fox and his bearded collie named Shaggy, during one of their dinner dates. Jensen had driven them both as he had dropped Juliette off with her dad before their date and it had just worked out more convenient for him to do the driving. Jensen had only stayed for an hour whilst he got to know Stephen’s dogs but made sure to beg off before there were any insinuations that he would stay any longer then was appropriate for a man not ready for further intimacy. Stephen had also made his intentions clear from their very first date that he enjoyed Jensen’s company and that he was looking for a life partner, not a fling, which eased Jensen’s mind despite also causing him some nervousness and trepidation.

Danneel had guided him through the whole ‘having a relationship and essentially a boyfriend’ crisis. Together with his sister and Alona as a comfortable calm source of reason, they had managed to navigate his love life with as much stability as they managed his career, meticulously and with the same tenacity. Jensen had even been persuaded by the three women in his life to begin introducing Stephen slowly to Juliette as papá’s ‘special’ friend, even when he cringed thinking about having to use the phrase out loud. Juliette of course knew very little about what Jensen had implied with the word ‘special’ but she’d been told she could now refer to her doctor as either Dr. Smile or Stephen, and either name suited her just fine. As far as the man appearing more and more on her life, Juliette also appeared to be taking this in stride as she loved the idea of having another grown up playmate in her life.

In terms of the actual intimacy, Jensen and Stephen hadn’t gotten much further then heavy make-out and petting sessions, but Jensen knew things between him and Stephen were heating up and he was feeling nervous about what that meant for them. His inexperience, was a never ending source of embarrassment, much to the frustration of Danneel and his sister but to the delight of Alona and Stephen who would both unsubtly tease him on the subject. They were mostly sexual innuendos that would be unexpected thrown his way and would make his face flame up whilst they looked at him both endearingly and from Stephen’s gaze, even slightly predatory. Jensen knew the doctor would never push him into intimacy, but it still made him nervous knowing it was an impending eventuality that they would be having sex soon.

As he packed Juliette’s lunch for school that day, he failed to notice the very man of his thoughts when he suddenly materialised in his kitchen.

“Stephen? What are you doing here?” Jensen asked surprised.

“Danneel just let me in.” Stephen said casually as he leaned up to Jensen and pecked him on his lips before the man could blink away his surprise.

“Mmh I suppose I should be happy it's you that's she throws at me nowadays and not some random cute valet.” Jensen commented a light blush adorning his cheeks. He hated that after over a month of dating, Stephen still made him blush with even his current tamed display of affection.

“I could be your cute valet if you want.” Stephen whispered seductively as he pulled Jensen in for a deeper kiss. The blush on Jensen’s cheek intensified as he lost himself a little in the kiss. Everything still seemed so new to him. Having someone other then his daughter, constantly reaching for him, often for a kiss or sometimes just to touch. One of Stephens arms would always find their way around his waist or over his shoulder whenever the man was near. It was never to excessive and it somewhat felt familiar to him. Stephen often reminded him of Jared with his need to constantly pull Jensen in to his personal space, only Stephen did it with the intention and follow through Jared had never possessed. Stephen wanted to be near to him because he _wanted_ Jensen physically, not just as a presence but as a loving and intimate partner. Although some of Stephens touches felt familiar and strangely reminded him of his teen years with Jared, he was now learning what it meant to have a boyfriend versus a touchy best friend. Jensen was also realising how in many ways his relationship and boundaries with Jared had both skewed and cultivated the unhealthy he at least felt for Jared. So it was no surprise that Jensen quickly realised the difference in what it felt like to be liked or loved back by someone. It felt good to be wanted in this way.

A deep cough interrupted Jensen’a revery and he quickly broke away from the kiss to look in the direction the cough came from. Jared stood in his kitchen doorway trailed by Danneel and Jensen quickly noted how the former wore a deep scowl while the latter smiled salaciously.

“Always nice to be on this side of the fence.” Danneel said cheekily.

“Which is?” Jensen asked both embarrassed and annoyed whilst he refocused his attention on his assistant and not his friend who stood rigidly and clearly uncomfortable by the doorway. It did not appear that his thunderous look was diminishing.

“The one _not_ caught with their hands in the cookie jar.” Danneel said poignantly, her gaze indicating to Stephen’s hand which still held Jensen’s right bum cheek.

His cheeks flamed as he moved out Stephen’s arms with the intention of getting the juice box he suddenly really needed from his fridge. He ignored Danneel’s giggle and Stephen’s chuckle and instead buried his head in the fridge wishing the ground could swallow him up. This is what he got for not dating around all these years. Being so incredibly inexperienced and shy caused him to constantly go in hiding to hide his red face, in the last few weeks.

“Let's leave him to cool down his face otherwise I can kiss 2nd base goodbye this evening.” Stephen answered smoothly as he squeezed Jensen’s shoulder before exiting the kitchen with whom he assumed were Danneel and Jared. When he finally plugged the courage to move away from the fridge a silhouette by the counter startled him.

“Sjeesh, you're still here.” Jensen asked his hand flying to his chest.

“Yeah, kind of wanted talk to you about something.” Jared said his voice serious and his face still wearing a slight scowl. Jensen apprehensively prepared himself to hear out what his friend had to say as it seemed important if his expression was anything to go by.

Despite the fact that they hadn't argued or had any disagreements for that matter, around Juliette and their parenting duties, Jensen had detected a dark stormy cloud surrounding his friend as of late. Jensen had seen Jared moody before and usually it had been when he argued with Sandy which had happened only during a handful of occasions back when they were in high school. The more he thought of it, he had seen Jared more upset when he had disagreements with him then he ever did with Sandy. Jensen figured it must have been true love that kept Jared unable to stay mad at Sandy, when he would quite easily give Jensen the ‘Silent but present’ treatment.

This usually consisted of long days where Jared actively chose not to direct one word to him until one of them apologised or whenever he felt like enough time had passed for their argument to fizzle. This childish silent treatment would go on, whilst all the while his best friend still chose to hang around him to regularly invade his personal space or to steal food off of Jensen’s plate. Usually Jared’s antics never lasted longer then two days but boy could Jared hang onto the ‘Silent but present’ treatment with passion. Jensen used to resent the fact that Jared _never_ made it through a whole day, still being mad at Sandy.

This was not high school though and what had happened to them was a lot worse then some discord between best friends or some lover spat. Jensen still felt he had gotten of lightly given all that he had put them all through and so it was only deserving that he got the end of the residual backlash of whatever Jared was dealing with in his household and in his relationship with Sandy.

“Yeah, I kind of wanted to talk to you as well actually, but you go first.” Jensen said eagerly wanting to allow Jared the platform to air out any frustration in order to help alleviate his friend's mood before he said whatever he needed to say.

“Well it's about your _boyfriend_.” Jared spoke the last word with a tone of what had to be resentment but almost appeared as disgust and that threw Jensen off for a short while as he was taken aback. “What's the deal with him coming over and what I walked into just now?” Jared asked his voice just short of angry and demanding as it was obvious that he was trying to maintain some level of composure. Jensen gaped still slightly shocked at Jared’s tone. He had expected something along the lines of wanting even more time with Juliette, or a more formal agreement of custody, which Jensen was more then willing to oblige to given that Juliette grew more attached to her daddy everyday. Jensen felt almost jealous at the love the shone so evidently in their daughters eyes for Jared, but the happiness it brought his daughter tugged so forcefully at his heart, that any misplaced envy coursing through him was quickly replaced with his own contentment over his daughters happiness. Jared would probably be the only person who's equal affection he was more then happy to share.

 _This_ however was not what he had been expected to hear. It almost sounded like Jared had an issue with Jensen dating, which couldn't possibly be the case for more then obvious reasons. Jared himself was marrieds why would it matter if he moved on. Was it because Stephen was a man? Jensen didn’t allow the thought to stick and instead focused his attention towards addressing Jared’s anger.

“I must be misunderstanding, what is it that you want to say Jared?” Jensen asked still in disbelief.

“That our daughter could've been the one to walk in and see you throwing yourself at her doctor.” Jared spat his voice rising in agitation.

Jensen's cheek flushed with shame and shock. He could not believe what he was hearing.

“What? What do you mean throw myself? _He_ kissed me.” Jensen said indignantly unable to keep his own shock and anger at bay.

“It did not look like you minded.” Jared hissed. Jensen spluttered because what was he meant to say to that.

“It's because I didn't mind, since he is my boyfriend. What the hell is your problem Jared?”

“You told me you hadn't been with anyone since high school pretty much but within a few months of me being back in your life you've already essentially much moved a guy into your place. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised considering your track record for lying.” The taller man hissed.

Jensen stood pale and shocked watching his friend pace in anger, he was momentarily unable to believe the words uttered by someone he held so much respect for. The ache he felt in his chest was almost unbearable. Finally what he had been dreading most, the eventual recriminations he knew would arise eventually if any arguments between them arose. He never expected Jared to actually voice what he so obviously had been feeling, though he still shouldn't have been so surprised because at the end of the day, who wouldn't have resented Jensen for what he did. Regardless of why Jensen had decided to keep Juliette away, it was something that was unforgivable and he shouldn’t have ever allowed himself to be led and actually believe, that Jared could actually forgive him for what he did when he was young and stupid. It hurt nonetheless, and the things he was accused off by them man just now. Accusations which were being thrown back at him as if he intended any of his actions to have been laced with malicious intention.

“So that's the opinion you have of me? A whore and a liar?” Jensen spoke so softly, the words almost stuck in his throat. He wiped some of the tears that had began trailing down his cheek without him noticing. It was hard for him to look in Jared’s direction. His heart ached and he felt mortified that he had lulled himself into any sense of security in regards to his place in Jared’s life.

“Shit, I didn't meant that.” Jared suddenly said seeming apologetic, his shoulder sagging and the fight leaving him at the sight of the shorter mans tears.

“No, you obviously did Jared” Jensen responded his tone sounding hollow as he made quick with wiping his tears away. He tried to push away any further thoughts from piercing through his resolve to just move past this new revelation as he busied himself with finishing packing their daughters lunch.

“Jen—“

“Look I don't have time to argue with you about this. You've finally said your peace and I don't know what your problem is with my relationship with Stephen, but despite what you think of me, I have been nothing but honest about what I've shared about my past with you. I'm not… I wouldn't parade men in front of my daughter like they were going through a revolving door.” Jensen choked out.

“Jen honestly I didn't—“

“Papá, I'm gonna be late where is my lunch!” Juliette came rampaging into the kitchen running straight towards Jensen who was now closest to the doorway she came from. Jensen lifted her in his arms and kissed her forehead. Hoping for all heavens he'd composed himself enough. The last thing he needed was to cry in-front of Juliette.

“There is your lunch pumpkin.” Jensen said handing the pink and purple school bag over, hoping in moot, that his daughter did not notice his discomposure.

“Papá are you upset because I yelled again.” His daughter asked innocently after taking a good look at her father whose face looked like he had been crying like her younger friends did when they were being dropped of by their parents. But that was because they didn't not like school and Papá did not go to school so that shouldn’t be what was upsetting him.

“Of course not, but you were right about being late you and your daddy should probably head out now.” Jensen answered gently and he pointedly did not look in Jared’s direction. Stephen joined them not even seconds later and gave Jensen an apprehensive look at the distinct sign of distress that still laced his eyes as he tried to regain as much of his composure as he could. Stephen tried to taper off the almost accusing look he threw in Jared’s direction when he also noted the pleading look Jensen threw him that demanded they not address this with Juliette still present. As a sign of solidarity he made his way towards Jensen and placed a hand on the small of his back asking the the only question he needed to with his gaze alone. _Are you okay?_

Jensen nodded discreetly before putting Juliette back down and kissing her one last time before she ran into Jared’s arms. Jared looked distinctly regretful when Jensen’s eyes briefly met his but both Stephen and Jensen noted that there was also unmistakable anger brewing beneath that regret.

Jensen knew he had caused plenty of justification for Jared’s anger for all he had withheld from the man but he had lured himself into this false sense of security and allowed himself to believe that things would workout with his friendship with Jared and that the man had really forgiven him. But what he now knew was that what had stood before him was a mere temporary olive branch not an actual tentative offer of rekindling a friendship. No. That might never come to be. With a heavy heart and shame dragging down his mood he tried not to meet Jared’s eyes again as he led them out.

Once the duo of father and daughter had left, he faced Stephen’s questioning gaze. He had confided his whole sordid history to the man so Jensen felt relieved that at least in that regard he wouldn’t have to explain the odd situation they found themselves in.

“I take it Jared’s mood has nothing to do with the custody agreement you and the lawyer discussed last week about giving Jared 50/50 parental rights over Juliette?” Stephen asked tentatively his hand not having left Jensen’s body since he re-entered the kitchen. He had placed both his hands on the mans shoulder and was gently caressing the tension he could feel building. There was only a brief scoff from Jensen, so Stephen waited patiently before he once more prompted the man. “Talk to me Jensen.”

“He’s angry and I know he has a right… I know what I did—“ tears pooled once more in Jensen’s eyes at Jared’s thickly implied insult. “I’m sorry Stephen I know you didn’t—“ before Jensen could even finish his sentence Stephen interrupted him.

“I wasn’t sure either how he would take the news about us to be honest Jensen but look at me,” Stephen answered softly before he continued only after Jensen finally met his gaze.”we, well at least I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy journey.” He gave Jensen a reassuring smile.

Jensen fought against some of the despair he felt. Stephens comfort and reassurances felt nice, but after Jared’s look and then the words that had been thrown his way he couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t deserving of any good feelings right now. He felt like he shouldn’t be happy while Jared was obviously going through some strive in his own marriage. Why should he try his hand at happiness when his friend was in the verge of losing his. That thought lingered heavily in his mind but Jensen knew voicing his thoughts would only make Stephen reprimand him so he only gave the other man a weak smile as he tried to pull together a look resembling some sort of acceptance despite the fact that his heart was broken and in heavy turmoil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch... 
> 
> This was such a difficult encounter to write but believe it or not it was written long before some other parts of this story ... 
> 
> Consider this your episode 11 for any thai BL watchers 😅... 
> 
> Just quick side note;
> 
> We are nearing the end of this story and I originally roughly estimated this story to have 20 chapters ... it’s a completed story already and I don’t anticipate there to be more chapters but I did note as I was editing that the next few chapters are very short so I wanted to make sure y’all are made aware that this might slow down the next few edits as I might add / tweak or condense these chapters in order to prepare them for upload. Sorry in advance but thanks for sticking around!! 😊


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